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A Very Confusing Situation...

I have been platonic friends with this guy ("J") for about two years, and things veered in the direction of more than that at different times. Our contact in the last couple of months has increased greatly, because he asked me to help him sell his basketball season tickets for the playoffs and finals.

When I went to his house a couple of weeks ago to pick up my commission, I stayed and watched the full game with them that night, despite my repeated indications I was going to leave and then being encouraged to stay and hang out by him and his brother. There were some flirtatious yet respectful moves during the conversations that he initiated (grabbing my hand and holding it after a high five, indicating where I could get a tattoo by grazing my side, touching the back of my neck, etc.) and some compliments and innuendos. Just before the game ended, his brother left and I got a little uncomfortable and didn't want anything to happen, because it wasn't a date really. (I wouldn't have let anything happen besides kissing anyway, but I didn't want to be that available for such an impromptu get-together.) So I thanked him for letting me overstay my welcome, and he said I didn't. We hugged good-bye.

Then I was invited to watch another game with them a few nights ago, which I accepted. One thing that was strange is that my guy was sitting on one couch and when I joined him after a while, he soon moved to a chair by himself but still near the couch. There was no other awkwardness, though; I just thought that was a body language clue. A few flirtatious comments were made: such a cute laugh, you could clean my house wearing a French maid's outfit, etc. His brother left again just before the game ended. I was feeling more comfortable that evening and was relaxed on the couch watching the post-game commentary for a moment when he suddenly turned off the T.V., nonchalantly handed me my purse, and said he was going to go to bed! I said I was, too, after a trip back to where I lived. As I was heading towards the door, he invited me to come over for the next game Sunday and we would have wine. I was trying to process these mixed signals so close together and ended up graciously ac cepting the invitation and thanking him for dinner that night and so forth. If he didn't invite me back and with wine, I would have felt so rejected with that abrupt way he indicated he wanted me to leave. Yet I still do feel rejected on some level and very confused. Also, I don't want to be known as "Game Girl" and always available because I haven't been before at all, but this seems to be an opener into uncharted territory for us.

By that Sunday, I had not heard from him to give me a status on tickets, sales if any, etc. I got a call around noon inquiring about four tickets and a price negotiation, so I had to call him. He was chilly on the phone, I could tell, from just the way he greeted me and when I asked him how he was, he simply replied, "Fine." I knew something was amiss but went on with my prospect details. He said he would take a certain amount, so I called back the prospect and it was a done deal. He offered to meet the guy since they were in the same area. I never heard back from my guy, which was unusual, because he normally calls to let me know how everything went. Then I got another call for two tickets from someone willing to pay top dollar without negotations, but I needed to check to see if there were any more tickets from my guy. It was during that conversation that I was told there was only one ticket for sale, that everything went fine with the sale, and that he could pay me my co mmission TOMORROW. I said, "Tomorrow?" He said he was invited to watch the game with a buddy of his down in Miami and wouldn't be home until late. Nothing about being sorry about cancelling my invitation or anything. He was very blase - too much so. I said I would see him first thing in the morning, and he said he would call me. Moments later, I called back after confirming that the guy who called earlier did not want a single ticket and left a bit of a snippy message on my guy's voicemail, indicating sarcastically, "What a surprise! I got your voicemail." Then I simply informed him that the prospect wasn't interested in just one ticket and that I was "...touching base, because that's what I do. I touch base."

Then he calls me repeatedly moments later when I was on the phone and left a message, which he has said before he never does. He said I was rude for hanging up on him, and that he sacrificed a full price sale for four tickets shortly after he accepted my guy's offer in order to honor me and give me a commission, etc. He said that we never even spoke about the commission structure for this deal, and if anyone should be upset, it was him. (I had questioned him about what my commission would be during our earlier conversation and was surprised but not upset.)

I called him back and told him I did not hang up on him and that I thought he hung up on me. We went back and forth on that, then I told him that I was taking the heat for a potential sale he got AFTER he agreed to take mine, and that he didn't have to accept it. He said he was trying to be generous, etc. I said there was no way to know what would happen afterwards, and he was taking it out on me. I then brought up the fact that I appreciated that he had other plans but made no effort to inform me earlier -- utter disregard on his part. He argued about that and said he was intending to tell me later when everything was sold and straightened out this afternoon. I ended the conversation by saying we would speak tomorrow.

I called him the next morrning, and we arranged to meet for my commission payment at a public place. It lasted about 10 seconds; we greeted each other, he gave me the money, I thanked him, he said, "You're welcome," and we both turned in opposite directions and walked away.

Late Tuesday I got a couple of inquiries about tickets from people who had been in touch with me about previous games. Not knowing anything about pricing or availability of the tickets for Tuesday's game because of my rift with J for a week, I had to call him to see. I told him about my inquiries and that I was just checking on the status. He told me he only had one seat left but all seven tickets would be available for Thursday's game, if playing it was necessary in the finals. I took that as a go for me, since neither of us felt comfortable broaching the subject of my continuing all this time.

I ended up selling three tickets for Thursday's, and his handling of this one sale was markedly different from last week's. He voluntarily told me up front what my commission would be before I called the prospect back, and when everything was squared, he called to let me know and congratulated me.

He called Thursday afternoon after his meeting with my customer to finish the closing of the deal, and he told me he was alone (why say that?!), and I could pick up my commission from him anytime between then and game time.I told him I was en route to a cocktail party and would be there between 7:00 and 7:30. I was running late as the time grew closer and called him to say so, and he told me he was at a friend's house in the complex, and he gave me directions to that corner. He met me at the corner, and we chatted for a few minutes, then he deposited the cash in my hand, and we said our mutual thank-yous. Lots of smiles and looks between the two of us, but no invitation on either side. It's still awkward because of last week, and I suppose neither one of us is comfortable yet to take any major strides. He did mention he was going to hang out there for a while and then go back and watch the game. He didn't ask what I was going to do, and I didn't volunteer anything. Although I didn't expect to see it, there were some sparks in the smiles between us and some chemistry there, but sitting in my running car on a street corner had its limitations! Anyway, I guess now that this phase of our friendship is over, we'll have to see what happens from here. Any comments/suggestions?




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