I don't know what to do anymore

I don't know where to start here, but really could do with some support and being able to get things off my chest. Been married for 23 years, 3 children, youngest 15. Marriage never been great, Husband has a depressive personality and is generally quite uncommunicative and difficult to talk to. Tried marriage guidance in the past and never really got anywhere, he's tried therapy to overcome his problems with little success. He's generally quite negative and does little to help himself, which really frustrates me. In October last year he decided his job was making him unhappy so walked out of it. He lied to me for a month and said he'd lost his job, I found out and he still denied it for a few days before admitting to it. By the time I found out I had increased my hours at work to full time, getting very stressed in the process, trying hard to make ends meet and when I expressed my anger about his lies, and said I felt forced into increasing my hours he told me to go back to part time and we'd sell the house then. Since then he has continued to tell me lies, selling a motorbike and keeping back £500 for himself, saying he's doing people favours in exchange for items when he's actually buying these things off EBay. I feel like I'm being made a fool of, we are struggling to keep a roof over our heads and he doesn't seem to care. He does little to help round the house, just does what he wants to do all day' When I am working my butt off and he seems to be doing little to find another job. We have discussed splitting up and I told him I have no respect for him anymore and don't know if I want to stay together, we have no relationship to speak off..... well a few days later I found a note he had written saying he couldn't go on with his life and goodbye and totally full of venom towards me, telling me I was selfish etc., I didn't mention that I had found the note and did my best to be nice to him and try to make things better, but he's still behaving the same towards me. I don't know if I love him anymore, don't know if I have the fight in me to try to make our marriage better but am afraid that if we split up he will do something silly. Everytime I try to talk to him and sort our problems out it always seems to be me that makes any effort, he takes but rarely gives and then grumbles at me that the reason he doesn't talk to me is my fault. It's like he expects me to make everything better all the time and that I'm the only one who needs to change. He tells me if I was more warm towards to him all our problems would be solved, but when I try to be warm I get nothing in return. I sat down again recently and told him how stressed I was and that working and doing all the chores etc., was dragging me down, and was feeling quite low myself, I got no support and instead he barely spoke to me for 2 days afterwards , when I asked him what was up, he told me 'his ****e life' it's as if he wants the focus on him all the time. I am so fed up with all of this and don't know what way to turn anymore. Any advice welcome. Thanks

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