I am the problem

I've been a lurker on TAM for well over a year now. I've been reluctant to write because I've seen how the WS has been treated and the WS don't always stick around. Plus my skin is very thin and probably wouldn't hold up to the attacks. On top of that my grammar isn't all that great. Thank god for spell check. LOL Here it goes… My wife and I have been together for over 20 years now and we are best friends. Before her I had very few experiences. The one that I dated were very HD and relative to them and me at 3-4 times a week, I thought I was I was low drive. I was always that one being pursued, usually by wilder women. I don't know why that was. I was just the "nice guy". I didn't think I could trust them with somebody like me. Their "number" was always higher than mine. So, I met my wife. We were both 25 and she was a virgin. I was actually relived that there was no pressure on me to perform… Wrong choice of words I think. It was well over a year before we had sex. I waited until she was ready. Eventually, after 8 years of dating we married. Sex was never really important to either of us. She was always LD maybe even Asexual. I always wanted more sex than she did. We weren't big on affection either. We were best friends... We had some married issues, usually about money. Then I hit my mid-life crises. After I started to work out with weight, my sex drive increased. I was also taking lots of energy vitamins. Some of them may have helped increase my libido... Who knows. We went from sex 3 times a month to 3 times a week. Sometimes more than that and my wife complied. ( not the best adjective) Duty sex maybe? Still not the best word choice. Maybe she did it because she loved me, even though she would rather me give her a back rub and be done with it. At the same time women started to look at me different as I became more confident and the flirting started. That was when I came to TAM. By you alls definition, I was having borderline EA's with several women. It Seemed al l innocent. I sopped the flirting already. Many years ago, when I was in A.A. the same thing happened. The meeting was so personal and the talking after the meetings were even more personal, So I stopped going to A.A. My problems at the time were nothing compared to them. I wanted to drink more after the meetings. I think my wife knew the days when the women would flirt with me. Those were the days that I would be more affectionate and assertive. Sometimes my wife knew because she would ask what happened at work to get you so worked up? The past 2 years or so have been an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I think I have BPD. My loving wife doesn't respond to my foolish attitude. A while back I even threatened to leave because of the lack of feeling loved. I can be such a needy weenie. I see that now. My wife doesn't play in to my mind games and it drives me crazy. I've stopped with the weights and most of the vitamins and since have slowed the sex to 2-3 times a month. My wife can handle that without being exhausted from it and I think with the voyeuristic reading on TAM has helped me see that I am the problem. My story is not one of the wild ones her, so I know many may not respond. At least that is what I notice from other threads. Plus, I work long hours and I don't get a whole lot of time for TAM. Believe me, I am reading though. We have had so many issues and I think things may be OK. I don't know how my wife does it. I "think" this may belong in the long term success. I don't know what I am asking… I guess I just wanted to introduce myself and say Hey! My body armor and helmet is ready now.

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