Gay guy, slept with a girl

Hey TSR, Not sure what I'm looking for here, but I'm pretty confused right now, and if anyone has anything useful to say, or has been through anything similar then I'd be grateful to hear it. I'm a 26 year old guy, who came out as gay 8 years ago. I've slept with a few guys since then, but never had a bf. This, as much as I ashamed to say it, was because I was never particularly comfortable with my sexuality. So much so that over the last few years I started creeping back in the closet. I never lied and said I was straight or even implied as much, but if people thought that I was straight I didn't correct it. At various points in my life I've wondered if I am bi. I mean, I overwhelmingly fancy guys, but sometimes the odd girl catches my eye. This isn't a big deal, as sexuality can be fluid, but my concern is that because I know my life would be easier as a straight guy, I am convincing myself that I fancy girls. It's very difficult though to think clearly about this. Anyway fast forward: I was recently at a party where I got blind drunk and ended being put to bed. However, someone I know got into bed with me, and we had sex. It was a female colleague, who apparently had fancied me for ages (I'm an idiot, and didn't see it). So I've seen her since, and we've talked about it. She's not just a colleague, but a really good friend so it was important for me that I didn't ruin our friendship. I've been honest with her and told her everything, saying that I didn't want to explore anything further sexually as although I was tempted I'm not sure it would go anywhere because of my sexuality. She was upset, but we've carried on talking since as our friendship is so important. However, it's been a couple of days, and I'm churning up inside as I want to see her. It's weird as it's not a burning sexual desire, but rather, because we were intimate I want to be close to her. But then I'm wondering whether it's because I'm lonely? I've never had a relatio nship, and whilst the sex was nice, it was actually much nicer just sharing a bed with someone. And besides, I can't suddenly change my mind now. This is further complicated by the fact I am actually emigrating in the next couple of weeks. She's known for a while, but still wanted to see where it went anyway. The rational side of me knows that I should just leave it, particularly as I'm leaving, but another part of me wants to do something - the problem is, I have no idea what that is.

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