Extreme incompatability, but wasn't always that way

So I've been ghosting for a while trying to find some guidance for my situation. Perhaps somebody here can help me. I've been married to my best friend, my wife, for 15 years, and we've got 2 wonderful little girls. We're both 33, and she was my father's boss's daughter. Our parents babysat for each other when we were kids. We didn't date until high school, but we tied the knot before we graduated. Everything in our relationship is great - money, raising the kids, career choices, etc. We have small fights on just about most subjects now and then, but that's expected. The problem is this: we're extremely sexually incompatable. Intercourse is physically painful for her, so we must always go slow. It's difficult, so it ends up being a chore. As a result of the pain, she doesn't want to have sex often. She also is very, very puritan in her views on things other than missionary-style intercourse - meaning that except for kissing and touching above the navel, absolutely everything else is taboo / obscene. This would include manual or oral stimulation as well, either giving or recieving. We are currently at 9 months without anything beyond a quick hug and peck hello and goodbye. It wasn't always like this - she was a wildcat when we were dating, and a lot of the above taboos were in play on a regular basis. That changed after the wedding - literally. Nothing on our wedding night, and nothing at all on our honeymoon. Didn't see so much as her underwear, much less anything else. She once told me that this period in her life was her "exploration" phase - her trying to figure out what she did and didn't like. Whenever we do have sex it's according to a very strict menu and script, and any deviation is instant ceasing of activities. When I try to tell her that I need more than just "insert tab A into slot B", and more than just once every few months, she said I was BSing her. She firmly believes that men don't "need" sex, it's just an excuse to get into a gal's pants. Now, I am a very sexual and sensuous individual. To me intimacy is a core part of the relationship. I like cuddling, hugs, making out, etc. She's completely the opposite. Any affection I try to give her is rebuffed, or coldly tolerated. She says that she doesn't need that kind of affection, doesn't want it, and feels like I'm interrupting whatever it was she was doing for no good reason - it's annoying to her. It's gotten to the point where I might think about hugging her, but don't because I know I'll just get rejected, and so feel rejection even without having done anything. We've gone to doctors to deal with the pain - to no avail. The pain is caused by a severe hormone imbalance, which causes her to be extremely dry. She describes it as having a sunburn. Lubrication doesn't work - it's like taking a hot shower and getting the water on the sunburn - it just burns more. Medications don't work - the only one that was even slightly effective killed off what little libido she did have. We've had dozens of conversations about this. I've suggested counseling, which she adamantly refuses to go to. It's gotten to the point where all the sides have spoken, all the facts, opinions and needs have been laid out, and each side understands the other. She understands that I'm not satisfied with what sex she is willing to have, refuses to consider even things she engaged in during the distant past, and disagrees that there's a problem. If there's a problem, then it's with me because she's fine with how things are. I have been told that I need to either accept her as is and stop trying to change her mind and actions, or we need to get a divorce. I don't want to divorce my wife because of a lack of sex, yet I don't see any willingness on her part to bring me pleasure in the ways that are best suited to me. She only pleases me in the ways that best suit her, and I'd better be happy with it, or else... I am more than willing to do anything it takes to please her - my inhibitions are far and away beyond what her limits are - yet the only way she will be pleased is if I sacrifice my pleasure almost completely. Any advice for me? Thanks in advance.

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