Avoiding and abusive...is it possible to pull him out of it?

After 7 years and 2 kids I just can't seem to do right in my husbands eyes, he gets furious and calls me names or says my actions are retarded. Our sex life is poor and one sided, less than 1x per month and he is the only one who gets satisfaction. He spends almost every night sitting outside on the phone smoking pot, drinking and talking on the phone with his buddies. I try to plan date nights and he sabotages them. Last week I asked his brother and his girl to watch our kids for a night out so he made plans to snowboard with them the next day and told them not to watch the kids that evening because we couldn't afford both...then nobody could watch the kids for snowboarding day and we ended up doing our own thing, He went gold panning and I went on a hike. I do everything around the house and with the kids. He is either working or gold panning or hanging with his booze buddies. I've asked for therapy he refuses. I'm willing to do anything in my power but cant fix it myself.

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