When to leave

I read this post by Mytime37 tonight in another thread, and it hit home with me almost word for word. Quote: Originally Posted by Mytime37 (Post 1396719) How do you know when to leave? When you can't sleep at night. When you dread coming home. When you feel anxious, depressed and unhappy all the time. When you feel better when you aren't around him. When you see your child is tense and afraid. When you feel like your spirit is dying. When you keep having the same issue over and over again with no end in sight. That's when you know to leave. Here's my deal...my marriage is not the most horrible marriage. It could be worse...much worse. My H does not hit me, throw things at me, scream at me. He works steadily, he's law abiding, he's not secretive, he never lies (it's one of his most hated things that people do). He does have bipolar 2, and I suspect BPD (the "waif" type, always the victim, never feels well, harbors resentment toward me, assumes ill intent on my part when there is none). He's extremely emotionally needy and self-focused...there has never been time in our 19 year marriage to worry about my needs or emotions...everything is wrapped up in tending to his needs. Our sex life is horrible...about 1–2 times a month at most, and has been this way our entire marriage. I never orgasm. I don't even try anymore. He has gained a lot of weight, and this along with his emotional neglect and constant focus on his every physical ailment, pain, irregularity, etc has caused me to lose attraction for him. It's sad, because I'm at a point in my life where sex ought to be awesome and frequent and adventurous...but I've been waiting 19 years for that to happen, and it ain't. So...going back to the above quote...I can say "yes" to everything she mentioned there without hesitation. But I still struggle with the little voice inside my head that says "hey, things could be way worse...a lot of people make their marriages work with WAY worse problems than that...what right do I have to break up a family...maybe I'm just expecting too much...I'm being selfish for wanting a fulfilling sex life with a man who is not 100+ lbs overweight..." I guess...a lot of people would wish that the problems I'm facing are all they had to deal with, when they are dealing with abuse, infidelity, lying, unemployment, etc. I'm interested in what you all think when you read the quoted list of signs of "when to leave". Does it ring true with you? Did it ring true in the past and you acted upon these feelings? Or...did it ring true but you chose to ignore it and continued trying to save your marriage? A side note: I did read the book "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay". If I follow the way the book guides me, I should leave. I've read it twice to make sure. I'm not going to let a book be the deciding factor in staying or going, but it did add some interesting insight. Also, I've been going to IC. Just started MC last week. I'm not encouraged so far based on my H's comments to me after the first session. But I'm going to keep going as long as will still go without me dragging him. I'm not sure how long he'll last before he quits.

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