Last night was sudden random phone check night for my teens (13/15). Both had broken the rules and had password-protected their phones without giving me the pw (I'm cool with passwords if I have them in case the phones are stolen, as the ex pays for one kid's iPhone and has that tracking access....and the ex is notoriously difficult to contact.) I saw that, and initiated the phone check.
13 y.o. Refused to give up the pw, so he's grounded from all electronic access for at least two weeks for being defiant. He also won't be getting paid for yard care he does for the duration; the yard care is mandatory. He gave up the pw 1.5 hours later, expecting me to reneg (and after H, the SD, yelled far too much; 8 years together and little contact with ex=SD gets to discipline them now.) I didn't give in. Nothing awful was found on the phone once I got in. I now want to tie that phone to my email. Ex refuses and thinks I'm being a meaniehead.
13-y.o. is defiant after weekends at best bud's house. Kid is grounded from friends and all electronics for 2 weeks. he can watch movies I choose for us all to watch on Netflix, or TV I'm watching.
15 y.o. is apparently sexually active, has lied about where he was doing this stuff and now it's time for more sex talks and a dr visit about sexual safety. In my house, when you become active, you get a dr visit like an adult does. Annually. The kid's also grounded for lying about parents being home while the hanky-panky happened at friend's house. This grounding extends to the end of the school year, and again, I'm a big ol' meaniehead.
Solutions:
Groundings for 2 weeks (13 y.o.) and 5 weeks (15 y.o.) and we get a house phone. That includes not seeing the involved friends.
I see all parents FTF when the kids go anywhere.
No sleepovers for 13 y.o. now that he has disclosed DV at friend's house. Friend can come over here. I want to support friend's mom, and she so far has refused all help. Coffee with her is my next step, to tell her my own DV stories and offer to help her plan, should she be ready to do so.
Written sex ed program this summer for both kids, since they have a selective memory of our talks so far. I have the curriculum downloaded.
I'm debating making them earn their phones from now on: 15 y.o. can work and pay for it, but I'd have to drive kid to work. Licensing is at least 6 months away (eight months is more realistic). Younger kid can do yard work to earn his phone; there's plenty here.
I'm wondering about not having phones at all. I want to be able to contact them when they're out and about this summer, yet also want to curb the entitlement they have regarding this. Apps I disallow will be deleted. Phones go in my room at MY bedtime nightly, too. They can charge in there.
H disagrees with: letting them ever have phones again, charging the phones in our room, and getting a house phone. I think he's being too extreme. I have sole custody from ex, by the way.
Ideas? I'm contemplating having them write me essays about lying, as well.
13 y.o. Refused to give up the pw, so he's grounded from all electronic access for at least two weeks for being defiant. He also won't be getting paid for yard care he does for the duration; the yard care is mandatory. He gave up the pw 1.5 hours later, expecting me to reneg (and after H, the SD, yelled far too much; 8 years together and little contact with ex=SD gets to discipline them now.) I didn't give in. Nothing awful was found on the phone once I got in. I now want to tie that phone to my email. Ex refuses and thinks I'm being a meaniehead.
13-y.o. is defiant after weekends at best bud's house. Kid is grounded from friends and all electronics for 2 weeks. he can watch movies I choose for us all to watch on Netflix, or TV I'm watching.
15 y.o. is apparently sexually active, has lied about where he was doing this stuff and now it's time for more sex talks and a dr visit about sexual safety. In my house, when you become active, you get a dr visit like an adult does. Annually. The kid's also grounded for lying about parents being home while the hanky-panky happened at friend's house. This grounding extends to the end of the school year, and again, I'm a big ol' meaniehead.
Solutions:
Groundings for 2 weeks (13 y.o.) and 5 weeks (15 y.o.) and we get a house phone. That includes not seeing the involved friends.
I see all parents FTF when the kids go anywhere.
No sleepovers for 13 y.o. now that he has disclosed DV at friend's house. Friend can come over here. I want to support friend's mom, and she so far has refused all help. Coffee with her is my next step, to tell her my own DV stories and offer to help her plan, should she be ready to do so.
Written sex ed program this summer for both kids, since they have a selective memory of our talks so far. I have the curriculum downloaded.
I'm debating making them earn their phones from now on: 15 y.o. can work and pay for it, but I'd have to drive kid to work. Licensing is at least 6 months away (eight months is more realistic). Younger kid can do yard work to earn his phone; there's plenty here.
I'm wondering about not having phones at all. I want to be able to contact them when they're out and about this summer, yet also want to curb the entitlement they have regarding this. Apps I disallow will be deleted. Phones go in my room at MY bedtime nightly, too. They can charge in there.
H disagrees with: letting them ever have phones again, charging the phones in our room, and getting a house phone. I think he's being too extreme. I have sole custody from ex, by the way.
Ideas? I'm contemplating having them write me essays about lying, as well.
Put the internet to work for you.
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