I'm so mentally exhausted I don't even know where to begin. I've tried posting here multiple times over the past 6 months but nothing I could write would even make sense. But I guess I need to start somewhere because keeping it bottled up certainly isn't helping and both my husband and I have actively disengaged from our marriage. Neither one of us has the energy to deal with the mess we're in.
I could give an entire back story of why we are where we are but that would take forever. What it boils down to is that we are both so different, SO vastly different, that we see the world entirely different and there is no common ground. At all. I always thought this was a good thing, I thought it would help both of us grow. Now I see, I used it as an excuse to justify this tragic situation we're in.
Both of us are happier when we aren't together. Both of us deal with life, in general, better when we don't have to deal with one another.
We have talked (no use), we've been to counseling, i've done solo counseling, we've tried everything we can think of but neither of us are happy together and truth be told, we never have been. Both of us have always hoped that we would grow closer but it never happened. After the initial fun and excitement wore off, it sucked. Everything sucked. And we still got married, we still had babies, we still tried to force a situation that was doomed from the start.
I fear that if we continue this, we both will become empty, lifeless shells of human beings, robbed of all joy and the spark we have for life.
I want to reiterate that it has never been right between us. So there is no "old thing" to get back. There were no "glory days". There was never a strong, emotional bond between us. I guess we were always just hoping it would turn into something that it would never, ever become. Our 9 years together has been more like trying to squeeze orange juice out of a lemon. It's not there. We love one another in the sense that we have been through a lot together, we're familiar to each other, it's a comfortable kind of love. But not one strong enough to make it through the more challenging aspects of life.
We're both exhausted and have both kind of given up. We casually talk about divorce. I get a little teary eyed talking about it but not at the idea that he wouldn't be a part of my life, more in regards to the fact that we were so foolish to drag this out like we did and regretful that it will never be what either of us hoped it would be.
There's so much more to say about this but I guess I am hoping someone will chime in and I can just talk to someone. There's really no one to talk to, no one really understands it. They have a narrow window into what our life is actually like. On the surface, we look like "soulmates". How the hell people have gotten that idea, I can only speculate. But they have their minds made up and so they don't buy into the fact that our marriage is truly f***ed.
I don't even know where i'm going with this. Anyone care to chime in?:|
I could give an entire back story of why we are where we are but that would take forever. What it boils down to is that we are both so different, SO vastly different, that we see the world entirely different and there is no common ground. At all. I always thought this was a good thing, I thought it would help both of us grow. Now I see, I used it as an excuse to justify this tragic situation we're in.
Both of us are happier when we aren't together. Both of us deal with life, in general, better when we don't have to deal with one another.
We have talked (no use), we've been to counseling, i've done solo counseling, we've tried everything we can think of but neither of us are happy together and truth be told, we never have been. Both of us have always hoped that we would grow closer but it never happened. After the initial fun and excitement wore off, it sucked. Everything sucked. And we still got married, we still had babies, we still tried to force a situation that was doomed from the start.
I fear that if we continue this, we both will become empty, lifeless shells of human beings, robbed of all joy and the spark we have for life.
I want to reiterate that it has never been right between us. So there is no "old thing" to get back. There were no "glory days". There was never a strong, emotional bond between us. I guess we were always just hoping it would turn into something that it would never, ever become. Our 9 years together has been more like trying to squeeze orange juice out of a lemon. It's not there. We love one another in the sense that we have been through a lot together, we're familiar to each other, it's a comfortable kind of love. But not one strong enough to make it through the more challenging aspects of life.
We're both exhausted and have both kind of given up. We casually talk about divorce. I get a little teary eyed talking about it but not at the idea that he wouldn't be a part of my life, more in regards to the fact that we were so foolish to drag this out like we did and regretful that it will never be what either of us hoped it would be.
There's so much more to say about this but I guess I am hoping someone will chime in and I can just talk to someone. There's really no one to talk to, no one really understands it. They have a narrow window into what our life is actually like. On the surface, we look like "soulmates". How the hell people have gotten that idea, I can only speculate. But they have their minds made up and so they don't buy into the fact that our marriage is truly f***ed.
I don't even know where i'm going with this. Anyone care to chime in?:|
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