Hi everyone, I'm a lurker but finally decided to post as I need some insight.
Background: Dh (36-LD) and I (33-HD) have been married for 10 years of which majority of them were sexless. Dh had undiagnosed ED in the beginning of our marriage and refused to address it until about 4 years in and then complained about the meds. We've probably had sex maybe 75 times our whole marriage. Because of this I don't really have any fond memories, just a lot of pain. There were other things going wrong with our marriage, but like many others I just kept hoping things would get better, etc.
Current: I got pregnant (we both wanted children). He decided it was too weird to have sex with a pregnant woman, so he didn't have sex with me at all. After giving birth, with a 4th degree tear, exclusively breastfeeding, and being the sole person getting up in the middle of the night (every 2hrs, he gets to sleep how ever he pleases), my sex drive went into park. He became a jerk about it. All of a sudden he now has needs and is feeling neglected and whatnot. He wanted his boobs back and he wanted to have sex. At 4 months, we had sex, but it wasn't good because of dryness and pain and I wasn't able to orgasm. Outside of a few BJs we haven't had sex, in my research and what I told him is that this is just temporary. I can still have sex but it's not going to be the same, probably not until I stop breastfeeding. The other night Dh and I were talking and he was feeling very sexually frustrated. I apologized for not being in the mood and offered to have sex, but he was saying it's no purpose and he might as well just get a blow up doll, because I am going to be faking it and not orgasm. Then said " If this is what it's going to be like, I am not having another child." I felt betrayed. It's like, it's okay for him to deny me all these years, even not have sex with me when I am pregnant, because He didn't want to, but now that I need the same courtesy, I'm the terrible one. I mean I've done everything to stay in this marriage, and the one thing that has brought me joy is my child and the thought of having more children. Of course in the morning he apologized, but this wasn't his first time blowing up at me. Last time he said in frustration and of course later apologized that "maybe he needed to seek sex elsewhere". I just feel so angry and hurt.
I wanted some thoughts from y'all as when I post this in a mom group I belong to, they were all like "sex is important, and get over it and just do it " I don't think they could fathom the sheer heartbreak that is being in a sexless marriage. But I don't know maybe I am in the wrong.
Background: Dh (36-LD) and I (33-HD) have been married for 10 years of which majority of them were sexless. Dh had undiagnosed ED in the beginning of our marriage and refused to address it until about 4 years in and then complained about the meds. We've probably had sex maybe 75 times our whole marriage. Because of this I don't really have any fond memories, just a lot of pain. There were other things going wrong with our marriage, but like many others I just kept hoping things would get better, etc.
Current: I got pregnant (we both wanted children). He decided it was too weird to have sex with a pregnant woman, so he didn't have sex with me at all. After giving birth, with a 4th degree tear, exclusively breastfeeding, and being the sole person getting up in the middle of the night (every 2hrs, he gets to sleep how ever he pleases), my sex drive went into park. He became a jerk about it. All of a sudden he now has needs and is feeling neglected and whatnot. He wanted his boobs back and he wanted to have sex. At 4 months, we had sex, but it wasn't good because of dryness and pain and I wasn't able to orgasm. Outside of a few BJs we haven't had sex, in my research and what I told him is that this is just temporary. I can still have sex but it's not going to be the same, probably not until I stop breastfeeding. The other night Dh and I were talking and he was feeling very sexually frustrated. I apologized for not being in the mood and offered to have sex, but he was saying it's no purpose and he might as well just get a blow up doll, because I am going to be faking it and not orgasm. Then said " If this is what it's going to be like, I am not having another child." I felt betrayed. It's like, it's okay for him to deny me all these years, even not have sex with me when I am pregnant, because He didn't want to, but now that I need the same courtesy, I'm the terrible one. I mean I've done everything to stay in this marriage, and the one thing that has brought me joy is my child and the thought of having more children. Of course in the morning he apologized, but this wasn't his first time blowing up at me. Last time he said in frustration and of course later apologized that "maybe he needed to seek sex elsewhere". I just feel so angry and hurt.
I wanted some thoughts from y'all as when I post this in a mom group I belong to, they were all like "sex is important, and get over it and just do it " I don't think they could fathom the sheer heartbreak that is being in a sexless marriage. But I don't know maybe I am in the wrong.
Put the internet to work for you.
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