Okay here is some background: I go to uni in the UK but I am from another country. First of all I am a virgin and have some but not a lot of dating experience. When I was in high school I was focused on other things.
Last fall at uni I met a guy at my friend's flat. I had never met him before. He was a great guy and we talked a little bit that night. The next day he texted me and asked me for coffee. I went, we had a nice time and it was casual. We stayed about an hour. Then we met again for coffee, again for an hour. He then asked me out for dinner and I accepted. We had a nice evening but I realized there was just no spark/chemistry for me. Next he invited to tour some gardens. I was feeling guilty and didn't want to go but he's a nice guy so I did. It was casual and there was not cost. We just walked around. When he took me home he asked if we were now in a relationship! In my mind we had gone out on four very casual get to know you dates. I never kissed him. At that point I said I didn't think I was ready and would let him know. He got my message and we soon left for Christmas to our homes and went our separate ways. I was completely surprised by his asking be t o be in a relationship after 4 casual dates.
Then this spring I met another guy. We met in an unusual way - he was actually looking for another girl who had a similar name and he thought I was her. Well we started talking and he asked me out. Again, very casual dates in my mind. Our first meeting we went to dinner, then a walk (date two), next we went for coffee (three), and then met for a beer/cider-for me (date four). Again, four casual dates and I had only hugged him good-bye at the end and had one kiss good-night at the door. Then after date four he asked if I'd be in a relationship with him. I had NEVER met him before and we were not in the same friend circle. I was taken aback. Here it was again, four casual dates and will you be in a relationship?! I feel I need to get to know someone pretty well first. We've never even met any of each others friends. I told him I was interested but wanted to go s-l-o-w. He has respected that. (we do still date casually but I think he may go out with other gir ls as well).
Where I am from guys just don't move that fast to be in a relationship. I was unprepared both times. Where I am from you may go out for several months before you claim 'relationship' status even if you're seeing each other regularly. It's a big declaration. Guys just don't want to tie themselves down that quickly!(haha). Relationship for me means exclusivity and the nature of the relationship becomes more intimate/sexual in nature and I wasn't going there with either guy after 4 casual dates. I didn't know either guy before the first date.
What is the culture in the UK? How long would you date someone you didn't previously know before claiming to be in a relationship? Is four dates a target number (seriously)? Also, I think UK guys are just more forward with their feelings (that's good) but I'm not used to that. Thanks for your input!
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