Hi everyone!
I think I'm getting there. I know I still have some creeks to cross, but I've finally been washed ashore and I'm no longer out there swimming with the sharks, trying to find my way to land. I think that is the best way I know how to describe it. I literally felt like I was in the middle of the Ocean, with only 1 arm, trying to get ashore and every time I thought I was getting pushed a little closer, a big wave came and pulled me back out to the middle again. I don't know how many times I sank, and thought I drowned. But, I somehow managed to learn to swim with that 1 arm... and I got to shore. I'm still wet.. and I'll probably get drenched again by the next stormy creek I cross, but I'm out of the ocean... and, I can literally feel the relief. I can see now, that I'm not going to get taken down... I made it.
It's been 1 year now, since I initially found out and knew deep down (whether or not I admitted it or not, is another story) that there was an affair - and, the end was near. Physically he was still there until July - Emotionally or Mentally he was gone long before. I can actually say to myself - Wow... :scratchhead: Did I really act like a fool for a man who did those things?
It's not that easy though... He's still in my head too much. I'm trying to retrain my thoughts, so that when he does come up - I immediately start telling myself, how much better off I am. Then before I know it, I am on to something else. I usually don't even realize it, it's just like one of those things... kind of like, "Oh I need to add butter to my grocery list" - and just like that, you're on to something else. That is how it kinda feels. But, I still have those moments of "thinking of what I need to add to my list, before I go".
The big thing is, I now know I am better off. I truly believe that, and I'm actually enjoying my life as is. I don't dwell on the past, I don't dwell on the now. I see the future, and my future looks good. I'm laughing again, I smile. I am singing in my car when I go places. I'm a friendlier person again, I almost think I feel stronger too!
He is still a POS though, haven't talked to him since last time I posted something a couple weeks ago. We're still fighting our way through settlement/court through the attorneys. We go next week for "support" issues. Our final is in May, but I hope to settle long before that. I want this over and behind me today, not tomorrow. So I can truly move on.
I hope this helps someone who is feeling defeated, and like their is no tomorrow or hope. Because trust me. I was there. I was there! This board has been an absolute Godsend to me. Wonderful wonderful place to be, truly good people. Stick with us, and you too will get to where I am and beyond.
My old thread, to see the madness: http://ift.tt/1GmguWM
I think I'm getting there. I know I still have some creeks to cross, but I've finally been washed ashore and I'm no longer out there swimming with the sharks, trying to find my way to land. I think that is the best way I know how to describe it. I literally felt like I was in the middle of the Ocean, with only 1 arm, trying to get ashore and every time I thought I was getting pushed a little closer, a big wave came and pulled me back out to the middle again. I don't know how many times I sank, and thought I drowned. But, I somehow managed to learn to swim with that 1 arm... and I got to shore. I'm still wet.. and I'll probably get drenched again by the next stormy creek I cross, but I'm out of the ocean... and, I can literally feel the relief. I can see now, that I'm not going to get taken down... I made it.
It's been 1 year now, since I initially found out and knew deep down (whether or not I admitted it or not, is another story) that there was an affair - and, the end was near. Physically he was still there until July - Emotionally or Mentally he was gone long before. I can actually say to myself - Wow... :scratchhead: Did I really act like a fool for a man who did those things?
It's not that easy though... He's still in my head too much. I'm trying to retrain my thoughts, so that when he does come up - I immediately start telling myself, how much better off I am. Then before I know it, I am on to something else. I usually don't even realize it, it's just like one of those things... kind of like, "Oh I need to add butter to my grocery list" - and just like that, you're on to something else. That is how it kinda feels. But, I still have those moments of "thinking of what I need to add to my list, before I go".
The big thing is, I now know I am better off. I truly believe that, and I'm actually enjoying my life as is. I don't dwell on the past, I don't dwell on the now. I see the future, and my future looks good. I'm laughing again, I smile. I am singing in my car when I go places. I'm a friendlier person again, I almost think I feel stronger too!
He is still a POS though, haven't talked to him since last time I posted something a couple weeks ago. We're still fighting our way through settlement/court through the attorneys. We go next week for "support" issues. Our final is in May, but I hope to settle long before that. I want this over and behind me today, not tomorrow. So I can truly move on.
I hope this helps someone who is feeling defeated, and like their is no tomorrow or hope. Because trust me. I was there. I was there! This board has been an absolute Godsend to me. Wonderful wonderful place to be, truly good people. Stick with us, and you too will get to where I am and beyond.
My old thread, to see the madness: http://ift.tt/1GmguWM
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