I've always been the LD in the relationship. But in the last year it's gotten so bad that something needs to be done.
The Backstory:
Ever since I married my wife, it was clear that I was extremely LD compared to my wife. My wife wanted sex every night but I was really only willing about twice per week. It was a serious point of contention for the first few years of our marriage. Add in a job loss, severe (and I mean SEVERE) depression leading to myriad other problems, my desire for sex dropped to about once per week. My wife stopped asking for sex as often.
After a cancer scare, my wife had about 50% of her ovaries removed, and her T level dropped like a rock. Ironically, the scare finally got me to pull my head out of my butt, and for about six months my drive got higher than it had ever been. Naturally, though, my wife wasn't exactly in the most receptive position, and my drive eventually dropped back to its previous level.
I felt horribly guilty about denying her all that intimacy for such a long period, and wanted to make it up to her by increasing frequency even though by that point I operating more from guilt than desire. And when my wife was in the mood, I wasn't.
Now here we are, 12 years married, four kids (two with various behavioral issues, a baby and a teenager) and the homework and activities that each of them have, her in a stressful job and I attempting to start a new career, we barely have time to talk to each other much less have regular sex. Neither of us initiate much anymore because we're either too tired to ask or the other is too tired to give. I think we've had sex around eight times in the past year. And again it's driven a wedge between us.
This is something we both understand and are working on. We're trying to spend more time together away from the kids, amongst other things. We both know that we "want-to-want" more sex than we do at the moment. We've talked about trying to schedule sex again, but are afraid that—like before—sex will become something to check off the to-do list than an expression of love and intimacy.
So I bring our plight to the TAM community. Does anyone have any methods or systems to increase the frequency of sex without making it seem like an obligation to either partner?
The Backstory:
Ever since I married my wife, it was clear that I was extremely LD compared to my wife. My wife wanted sex every night but I was really only willing about twice per week. It was a serious point of contention for the first few years of our marriage. Add in a job loss, severe (and I mean SEVERE) depression leading to myriad other problems, my desire for sex dropped to about once per week. My wife stopped asking for sex as often.
After a cancer scare, my wife had about 50% of her ovaries removed, and her T level dropped like a rock. Ironically, the scare finally got me to pull my head out of my butt, and for about six months my drive got higher than it had ever been. Naturally, though, my wife wasn't exactly in the most receptive position, and my drive eventually dropped back to its previous level.
I felt horribly guilty about denying her all that intimacy for such a long period, and wanted to make it up to her by increasing frequency even though by that point I operating more from guilt than desire. And when my wife was in the mood, I wasn't.
Now here we are, 12 years married, four kids (two with various behavioral issues, a baby and a teenager) and the homework and activities that each of them have, her in a stressful job and I attempting to start a new career, we barely have time to talk to each other much less have regular sex. Neither of us initiate much anymore because we're either too tired to ask or the other is too tired to give. I think we've had sex around eight times in the past year. And again it's driven a wedge between us.
This is something we both understand and are working on. We're trying to spend more time together away from the kids, amongst other things. We both know that we "want-to-want" more sex than we do at the moment. We've talked about trying to schedule sex again, but are afraid that—like before—sex will become something to check off the to-do list than an expression of love and intimacy.
So I bring our plight to the TAM community. Does anyone have any methods or systems to increase the frequency of sex without making it seem like an obligation to either partner?
Put the internet to work for you.
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