I deleted my previous thread over fear it would be discovered. I realise now that this was a fine example of how I live my life. In secret, always nervous.
A couple weeks ago, I tried to have 'the talk' with my wife. We've been together ten years, married five, and I don't think we've ever been truly happy. Within about 3 months of dating, she was angry with me all the time. Sex disappeared for months and re-emerged only sporadically (once or twice a year now, I'd say). I became afraid of her anger and, as a result, stopped wanting to have sex. She became frustrated with me and got angrier. Neither of us was ever really happy.
When we married, I think we were trying to solve our problems. It didn't work of course. Two days after the wedding, she was giving me the silent treatment and I was scared to go near her. We had a good honeymoon but it quickly reverted to form and she very nearly left me 6 months later. We had couples counselling and the extent of her resentment (even in the early days) became clear.
The last 4 years, things have just sidled on by. Calm, storm, calm, storm... I've never really felt relaxed or in control. She subtly controls everything in our lives, claims to wish I would be more active, but complains when I take initiative and get things 'wrong'. I don't feel like I've ever really been myself since we got together.
A couple weeks ago, I told her how unhappy I was and that I wasn't sure we should be together. She seemed completely shocked by this - a part of me expected her to be relieved - and after a couple of days of tears and fighting, we're more or less back to normal. I don't know why she wants me to stay when almost everything I do irritates her. Perhaps she likes having someone to control.
It's almost impossible to articulate the way she manipulates me, or how I allow myself to be manipulated but I have come to the realization that if I don't leave now, I will feel like crap forever. I'm sure she'll be happier too when she gets over the shock of me leaving. There are other factors too, but there's no point going into them just now.
I think I need to just pack a bag, tell her I'm leaving and go stay with a friend. The rest we'll work out in due course.
The thing is though... I'm absolutely terrified.
A couple weeks ago, I tried to have 'the talk' with my wife. We've been together ten years, married five, and I don't think we've ever been truly happy. Within about 3 months of dating, she was angry with me all the time. Sex disappeared for months and re-emerged only sporadically (once or twice a year now, I'd say). I became afraid of her anger and, as a result, stopped wanting to have sex. She became frustrated with me and got angrier. Neither of us was ever really happy.
When we married, I think we were trying to solve our problems. It didn't work of course. Two days after the wedding, she was giving me the silent treatment and I was scared to go near her. We had a good honeymoon but it quickly reverted to form and she very nearly left me 6 months later. We had couples counselling and the extent of her resentment (even in the early days) became clear.
The last 4 years, things have just sidled on by. Calm, storm, calm, storm... I've never really felt relaxed or in control. She subtly controls everything in our lives, claims to wish I would be more active, but complains when I take initiative and get things 'wrong'. I don't feel like I've ever really been myself since we got together.
A couple weeks ago, I told her how unhappy I was and that I wasn't sure we should be together. She seemed completely shocked by this - a part of me expected her to be relieved - and after a couple of days of tears and fighting, we're more or less back to normal. I don't know why she wants me to stay when almost everything I do irritates her. Perhaps she likes having someone to control.
It's almost impossible to articulate the way she manipulates me, or how I allow myself to be manipulated but I have come to the realization that if I don't leave now, I will feel like crap forever. I'm sure she'll be happier too when she gets over the shock of me leaving. There are other factors too, but there's no point going into them just now.
I think I need to just pack a bag, tell her I'm leaving and go stay with a friend. The rest we'll work out in due course.
The thing is though... I'm absolutely terrified.
Put the internet to work for you.
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