So - I understand how important it is to NOT invalidate.
And the cycle trying to explain a misconception or perception can cause.
BUT...I am not able to wrap my head around how it can be helpful to Validate a completely erroneous perception or worse a projection that has NO basis in reality or me at all.
Will this not simply JUSTIFY her being right about me?
An example would be..for whatever BPD reasoning...lets say my wife is convinced I robbed a bank. And THAT is why she feels i am not a "good person".
If I even just say I understand that she feels that way - am I not giving credence to her feelign that way. In essence - I understand i need not "agree" with her. But, my BPD wife is always SO convinced her FEELINGS are accurate - that my evn validating those -I worry imprints it as a fact . AND if my hope, want, goal is to have her resume to seeing me white and WANTING me to stay her spouse...why would I want to help her negative perceptions along?
I always default to defending and showcasing why I (in this example) am not, can not, was NOT a bank robber.
Admittedly, when I do this -things get very worse and the cycle gets circular.
This tool (validation) is like a brain teaser to me when dealing with a person with BPD...so any help - MOST appreciated.
And the cycle trying to explain a misconception or perception can cause.
BUT...I am not able to wrap my head around how it can be helpful to Validate a completely erroneous perception or worse a projection that has NO basis in reality or me at all.
Will this not simply JUSTIFY her being right about me?
An example would be..for whatever BPD reasoning...lets say my wife is convinced I robbed a bank. And THAT is why she feels i am not a "good person".
If I even just say I understand that she feels that way - am I not giving credence to her feelign that way. In essence - I understand i need not "agree" with her. But, my BPD wife is always SO convinced her FEELINGS are accurate - that my evn validating those -I worry imprints it as a fact . AND if my hope, want, goal is to have her resume to seeing me white and WANTING me to stay her spouse...why would I want to help her negative perceptions along?
I always default to defending and showcasing why I (in this example) am not, can not, was NOT a bank robber.
Admittedly, when I do this -things get very worse and the cycle gets circular.
This tool (validation) is like a brain teaser to me when dealing with a person with BPD...so any help - MOST appreciated.
Put the internet to work for you.
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