Hi all,
Been reading some posts here and there and really appreciate them as I feel so alone in my weird situation.
BACKGROUND:
Hubby and I will have been married 16 years. While first dating, he had just broken it off with a girlfriend. When she found out he was dating me, she tried to get back in the picture. Then he had two girls he wanted to be with. I told him to choose and I didn't have time to play games. I ended up getting pregnant and we got married. She ended up leaving the country, fast forward 8 years, we had two kids by then and she began emailing him and I found out by coincidence night when he left his laptop open. She returned as a single mom of one child. From that email I saw how sweet she was and how she stroked his ego, I could tell he liked it, but he didn't take it further. Or maybe I stepped in in time. I told him to not keep in contact with this gal as she was bad news. I think she left again to her country of origin.
NOW:
Turns out she's back in the picture in cyber space. The past two years have been hard as hell. Now I know why (looks like she has been in his life since 2012!) the guy is torn between fantasy land and his reality. This gal and him have some way of communicating- Whatsapp , snapchat (I think) and subliminals on Twitter - she denies all, so does he. But he acts SOOO weird. I wish I had time to share all the cooky stuff he does. It's like he can't tell me to my face what he really wants, but then will do stuff or play music that shares what he really feels. Therapy sessions, Retrovaille did not work, because he won't fess up what he's done or is doing. In therapy he says he just wants us to be happy.
My gut tells me he's still communicating and back in April she put his last name on her social media and above it a post about "there's now an app that stops ex boyfriends from texting their exes." I shared that with him and he denied anything weird going on and that I was crazy. I told him to go and that the kids and I would be fine (He's told my mom he's worried how I'd make it without him). He says he can't leave all that we've worked for. Yet, the gal will post crazy stuff about how sad that people can't share their true feelings and seems to know exactly when we have arguments and his moods correlate to her posts on her stupid social media.
I started catching on to their crap in sep '13 (Sharing cute love songs and indirect comments on Twitter). Found some emails where he said he dreamed of her and her sending pics of them when they were dating and other messages. By Jan I was fed up with his MLC weirdness (motorcycle purchase, teenage behavior etc) Talked to his parents that I was on the verge of divorce. His parents came out and he was so rude to them, because they tried talking to him about what he was doing. Before all this took place I was so miserable that I swore I would leave him as soon as I found a good reason to, but when it finally happened I questioned myself. Why? Because of the kids, for fear I guess...I came from a divorced family. Believe me I'm pretty screwed up too. as he says "I do not allow myself to be loved." We opened up a lot over all this. We are working on our relationship with date nights, more sex (much better), but I sense he wishes things were different and he could be with her. T hat's an awful feeling. I feel sorry for the guy! And myself!He has apologized for letting this get out of control- but has not claimed it as an affair or that it is still going on.
What do you do with someone who won't fess up, won't go, but continues to communicate with the "love of their life?"
The last two years also brought about lots of debt (his part-seeking happiness?) an attorney advised me to work on clearing some of the debt for the next few months, think things clearly and wait things out for a bit before making a drastic decision.
And how do I stay sane through all this? My kids adore their dad and we are very close as a family. Beside this he's always been a great dad, provider, - but horrible communication skills... We are both passive aggressive. Ughhhh. Thanks! Just rambling now.
Been reading some posts here and there and really appreciate them as I feel so alone in my weird situation.
BACKGROUND:
Hubby and I will have been married 16 years. While first dating, he had just broken it off with a girlfriend. When she found out he was dating me, she tried to get back in the picture. Then he had two girls he wanted to be with. I told him to choose and I didn't have time to play games. I ended up getting pregnant and we got married. She ended up leaving the country, fast forward 8 years, we had two kids by then and she began emailing him and I found out by coincidence night when he left his laptop open. She returned as a single mom of one child. From that email I saw how sweet she was and how she stroked his ego, I could tell he liked it, but he didn't take it further. Or maybe I stepped in in time. I told him to not keep in contact with this gal as she was bad news. I think she left again to her country of origin.
NOW:
Turns out she's back in the picture in cyber space. The past two years have been hard as hell. Now I know why (looks like she has been in his life since 2012!) the guy is torn between fantasy land and his reality. This gal and him have some way of communicating- Whatsapp , snapchat (I think) and subliminals on Twitter - she denies all, so does he. But he acts SOOO weird. I wish I had time to share all the cooky stuff he does. It's like he can't tell me to my face what he really wants, but then will do stuff or play music that shares what he really feels. Therapy sessions, Retrovaille did not work, because he won't fess up what he's done or is doing. In therapy he says he just wants us to be happy.
My gut tells me he's still communicating and back in April she put his last name on her social media and above it a post about "there's now an app that stops ex boyfriends from texting their exes." I shared that with him and he denied anything weird going on and that I was crazy. I told him to go and that the kids and I would be fine (He's told my mom he's worried how I'd make it without him). He says he can't leave all that we've worked for. Yet, the gal will post crazy stuff about how sad that people can't share their true feelings and seems to know exactly when we have arguments and his moods correlate to her posts on her stupid social media.
I started catching on to their crap in sep '13 (Sharing cute love songs and indirect comments on Twitter). Found some emails where he said he dreamed of her and her sending pics of them when they were dating and other messages. By Jan I was fed up with his MLC weirdness (motorcycle purchase, teenage behavior etc) Talked to his parents that I was on the verge of divorce. His parents came out and he was so rude to them, because they tried talking to him about what he was doing. Before all this took place I was so miserable that I swore I would leave him as soon as I found a good reason to, but when it finally happened I questioned myself. Why? Because of the kids, for fear I guess...I came from a divorced family. Believe me I'm pretty screwed up too. as he says "I do not allow myself to be loved." We opened up a lot over all this. We are working on our relationship with date nights, more sex (much better), but I sense he wishes things were different and he could be with her. T hat's an awful feeling. I feel sorry for the guy! And myself!He has apologized for letting this get out of control- but has not claimed it as an affair or that it is still going on.
What do you do with someone who won't fess up, won't go, but continues to communicate with the "love of their life?"
The last two years also brought about lots of debt (his part-seeking happiness?) an attorney advised me to work on clearing some of the debt for the next few months, think things clearly and wait things out for a bit before making a drastic decision.
And how do I stay sane through all this? My kids adore their dad and we are very close as a family. Beside this he's always been a great dad, provider, - but horrible communication skills... We are both passive aggressive. Ughhhh. Thanks! Just rambling now.
Put the internet to work for you.
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