I had a very nasty break up six months ago, big heartbreak and have had a lot of ups and downs but in the process I have definitely found myself. I started running every day, I volunteered for a charity, I started making plans for holidays and adventures and made a very full life for myself. In a way I have never felt better or more strong and collected in myself.
Our of the blue I met a man a month ago through friends and it was one of those thunderbolt things. I was not looking for anything, but it just happened. He phoned me the day after meeting me and we talked or hours and then started to email and text all day long really. We just had a lot of chemistry from the outset.
I am 36 with a 10 year old child, never married, and he is 38, divorced with no kids but he is wanting a family very much.
We had a couple of dates, but we live two hours apart so it was mostly video, phone, text chat. The dates were great though, he made a huge effort in travelling for them, things were high in the passion stakes and we laughed all the time too. Both of us said we had a spring in our step and just had a good feeling.
He was very attentive. Sent me funny presents, was nice to my friends (they love him), invited me as his guests to a wedding...it was all going quite fast admittedly but we both said we just felt familiarity.
Then last weekend was his birthday and he said he wanted to spend it with me but I couldn't get a babysitter for the whole weekend, we we decided he would come and stay in a hotel near my house and we would try and work it around my son. We had a great night out with a babysitter the first night, and the second night he came to my house for dinner (we told my son he was a friend) and we watched a movie.
Now, my son took a shine to him. He's a very sweet and funny man and my son is an affectionate kid and he started to cuddle up to his arm during the film and told him he liked him and hoped he'd be back. It all got a bit weird...but for whatever reason my son just really liked him.
At the time we thought it was funny, but with hindsight, I think this put my new boyfriend into the mode of thinking about the practicalities and responsibilities of dating someone with a child.
Anyway, a few days after leaving he started to withdraw over 48 hours. He was suddenly iffy about planning our next weekend together and after probing he told me that he felt it had moved too fast too soon, that he was concerned about my son and taking on that responsibility etc. and therefore he thought he wanted to end it.
Now, this part sounds terrible, but I know from a friend who introduced us that he talked to her husband (his best friend) about it and he said:
1. He liked me a lot, thought I was gorgeous, funny, intelligent, a great Mum, a great dresser (??!!) and felt he was falling for me very quickly.
2. His decision was made with his head and not his heart and he said he felt that "sucked".
3. The decision made him feel sad and he wasn't interested in dating anyone else.
4. He was concerned that we lived too far apart
5. He was concerned that we would not have time alone to "court" and that he would be forced to spend time with me as a family from the start and that if it did not work out he would feel bad for my son.
6. He thought he might want an "average" family..as in someone who did not have any kids because he was still sort of selfish and liked doing stuff like impromtu city breaks and thought maybe he wanted a more traditional setup.
7. He was worried that I had only come out of an engagement 6 months ago and did not want his own heart broken if the ex showed up, which he strong believes he will.
Anyway, he is still contacting me a lot by text / facebook and the conversations are still easy and funny. He seems a little conflicted on his decision I think. Then he sent me a message saying we could meet up and talk face to face and see if anything can be done (presumably because he IS conflicted) but I don't know whether to go. He said he was looking way ahead down the road and that once he got an idea in his head he found it hard to shake.
On the one hand...is it possible that he was just spooked and we could smooth over these concerns...or are his feelings about the type of family he wants likely to be permanent?
The funny thing is, I just genuinely like this man. Since he came along I find myself laughing all the time. He's a happy person, honest, good with kids, we like the same stuff and I am missing him. My friends all like him. He's likeable, hilariously funny, totally on my wavelength.
Should I try and go on this meeting and address his concerns, or am I wasting my time? Obviously I realise if my child is an issue for him it's a no-go but I can't help feeling like he's making a choice for the wrong reasons here.
Our of the blue I met a man a month ago through friends and it was one of those thunderbolt things. I was not looking for anything, but it just happened. He phoned me the day after meeting me and we talked or hours and then started to email and text all day long really. We just had a lot of chemistry from the outset.
I am 36 with a 10 year old child, never married, and he is 38, divorced with no kids but he is wanting a family very much.
We had a couple of dates, but we live two hours apart so it was mostly video, phone, text chat. The dates were great though, he made a huge effort in travelling for them, things were high in the passion stakes and we laughed all the time too. Both of us said we had a spring in our step and just had a good feeling.
He was very attentive. Sent me funny presents, was nice to my friends (they love him), invited me as his guests to a wedding...it was all going quite fast admittedly but we both said we just felt familiarity.
Then last weekend was his birthday and he said he wanted to spend it with me but I couldn't get a babysitter for the whole weekend, we we decided he would come and stay in a hotel near my house and we would try and work it around my son. We had a great night out with a babysitter the first night, and the second night he came to my house for dinner (we told my son he was a friend) and we watched a movie.
Now, my son took a shine to him. He's a very sweet and funny man and my son is an affectionate kid and he started to cuddle up to his arm during the film and told him he liked him and hoped he'd be back. It all got a bit weird...but for whatever reason my son just really liked him.
At the time we thought it was funny, but with hindsight, I think this put my new boyfriend into the mode of thinking about the practicalities and responsibilities of dating someone with a child.
Anyway, a few days after leaving he started to withdraw over 48 hours. He was suddenly iffy about planning our next weekend together and after probing he told me that he felt it had moved too fast too soon, that he was concerned about my son and taking on that responsibility etc. and therefore he thought he wanted to end it.
Now, this part sounds terrible, but I know from a friend who introduced us that he talked to her husband (his best friend) about it and he said:
1. He liked me a lot, thought I was gorgeous, funny, intelligent, a great Mum, a great dresser (??!!) and felt he was falling for me very quickly.
2. His decision was made with his head and not his heart and he said he felt that "sucked".
3. The decision made him feel sad and he wasn't interested in dating anyone else.
4. He was concerned that we lived too far apart
5. He was concerned that we would not have time alone to "court" and that he would be forced to spend time with me as a family from the start and that if it did not work out he would feel bad for my son.
6. He thought he might want an "average" family..as in someone who did not have any kids because he was still sort of selfish and liked doing stuff like impromtu city breaks and thought maybe he wanted a more traditional setup.
7. He was worried that I had only come out of an engagement 6 months ago and did not want his own heart broken if the ex showed up, which he strong believes he will.
Anyway, he is still contacting me a lot by text / facebook and the conversations are still easy and funny. He seems a little conflicted on his decision I think. Then he sent me a message saying we could meet up and talk face to face and see if anything can be done (presumably because he IS conflicted) but I don't know whether to go. He said he was looking way ahead down the road and that once he got an idea in his head he found it hard to shake.
On the one hand...is it possible that he was just spooked and we could smooth over these concerns...or are his feelings about the type of family he wants likely to be permanent?
The funny thing is, I just genuinely like this man. Since he came along I find myself laughing all the time. He's a happy person, honest, good with kids, we like the same stuff and I am missing him. My friends all like him. He's likeable, hilariously funny, totally on my wavelength.
Should I try and go on this meeting and address his concerns, or am I wasting my time? Obviously I realise if my child is an issue for him it's a no-go but I can't help feeling like he's making a choice for the wrong reasons here.
Put the internet to work for you.
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