Hey everyone, new to this thread. I'll give you a back ground and info on some issues I'm having with my husband.
I'm 28 yrs old, my husband is 29. We married last year, blended family, 7 yr old boy who is mine, and he has two girls aged 8 and 10 yrs. My boy lives with us full time, and the girls come every other weekend and as much as we can have them in between, it varies.
We've been married for almost a year, issues started before our wedding.
We both attended college together, and made it through - almost, without any issues between us. The last quarter of school was really hard. He was really stressed about school, so I found myself really picking up the slack. It was hard, and of course I mentioned it - but after a while I understood and began supporting him.
After school I planned our wedding, and we got married. We were lucky to have a cheap but beautiful wedding that family helped with. My husband hadn't found a job yet, and hadn't until that September (we married in July, graduated in June).
During him not working things got worse. He stopped helping around the house as much, we had much less sex etc.
It spiraled until now. We can barely have a disagreement without it blowing up.
The main issues are: I feel like he doesn't understand what marriage means or what it takes. I've suggested books, sitting down and talking with him, etc. We're currently on a waiting list to get counseling. I'm not sure how to get him to understand how important the little things are to me, and to get him to put more effort into us.
He also has a hard time with my son. My husband spends a lot more time disciplining then he does spending actual, quality time with him. I've tried facilitating the relationship by suggesting things, and showing my appreciation when it does happen. It's gotten a little better...but I want to be able to support him and not be angry or upset when he slips up. I've had no problem taking his girls in as my own, and making a special connection, so I am resentful of that. I understand its harder for him, I just expect the effort.
I'm also responsible for a lot - too much in terms of house hold/life responsibilities. I basically care for my son by myself, with the exceptions of one day a week where he watches him. He does the dishes and kitty litter 1-2 times a week if I remember to remind him.
I've explained many, many times that I just can't do this on my own anymore, and again, this has gotten a little better - but not by much. He keeps saying it'll take time to get better...even though he's been saying that for almost a year now.
I've also tried to set up a time to sit down and talk about what our expectations are of each other, what we want to see for each other, parenting etc. He doesn't seem interest with each time I try. I realize these are things that should have been done a long time ago, but we had it together then. Now it seems we lost it and my attempts to re establish these things have been unsuccessful.
Our sex is good, when it happens. But no where near where I'd like it to be. I seem to want it more (4 times a week would be lovely if we can do it!) but he seems ok with once every week, week and a half. I've also talked to him about this to no avail.
As you can see, our life is a mess. I love my husband, I'm IN love with him, despite all the crappy things that has happened. Every time I ask him he seems genuinely in love with me too, and says he wants this marriage to work. We have a strong foundation, but it's growing weaker and weaker.
Anything else you'd like to know for clarification just ask. I don't want to give up, I want this to work - and for him and I just as much as I want it for our kids. Thanks, sorry for such a long note....
I'm 28 yrs old, my husband is 29. We married last year, blended family, 7 yr old boy who is mine, and he has two girls aged 8 and 10 yrs. My boy lives with us full time, and the girls come every other weekend and as much as we can have them in between, it varies.
We've been married for almost a year, issues started before our wedding.
We both attended college together, and made it through - almost, without any issues between us. The last quarter of school was really hard. He was really stressed about school, so I found myself really picking up the slack. It was hard, and of course I mentioned it - but after a while I understood and began supporting him.
After school I planned our wedding, and we got married. We were lucky to have a cheap but beautiful wedding that family helped with. My husband hadn't found a job yet, and hadn't until that September (we married in July, graduated in June).
During him not working things got worse. He stopped helping around the house as much, we had much less sex etc.
It spiraled until now. We can barely have a disagreement without it blowing up.
The main issues are: I feel like he doesn't understand what marriage means or what it takes. I've suggested books, sitting down and talking with him, etc. We're currently on a waiting list to get counseling. I'm not sure how to get him to understand how important the little things are to me, and to get him to put more effort into us.
He also has a hard time with my son. My husband spends a lot more time disciplining then he does spending actual, quality time with him. I've tried facilitating the relationship by suggesting things, and showing my appreciation when it does happen. It's gotten a little better...but I want to be able to support him and not be angry or upset when he slips up. I've had no problem taking his girls in as my own, and making a special connection, so I am resentful of that. I understand its harder for him, I just expect the effort.
I'm also responsible for a lot - too much in terms of house hold/life responsibilities. I basically care for my son by myself, with the exceptions of one day a week where he watches him. He does the dishes and kitty litter 1-2 times a week if I remember to remind him.
I've explained many, many times that I just can't do this on my own anymore, and again, this has gotten a little better - but not by much. He keeps saying it'll take time to get better...even though he's been saying that for almost a year now.
I've also tried to set up a time to sit down and talk about what our expectations are of each other, what we want to see for each other, parenting etc. He doesn't seem interest with each time I try. I realize these are things that should have been done a long time ago, but we had it together then. Now it seems we lost it and my attempts to re establish these things have been unsuccessful.
Our sex is good, when it happens. But no where near where I'd like it to be. I seem to want it more (4 times a week would be lovely if we can do it!) but he seems ok with once every week, week and a half. I've also talked to him about this to no avail.
As you can see, our life is a mess. I love my husband, I'm IN love with him, despite all the crappy things that has happened. Every time I ask him he seems genuinely in love with me too, and says he wants this marriage to work. We have a strong foundation, but it's growing weaker and weaker.
Anything else you'd like to know for clarification just ask. I don't want to give up, I want this to work - and for him and I just as much as I want it for our kids. Thanks, sorry for such a long note....
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