I came here last April looking for advice when I found out about my husband's EA with a coworker. We went to marriage counseling for a few months, but stopped because it was clear he needed IC before we wasted any more time in MC. He started seeing a psychologist who referred him to a new psychiatrist because we didn't like his. The psychiatrist did a ton of tests and determined that my husband is bipolar II and severe ADHD inattentive type. He wanted to put him on lithium and we were both having trouble digesting it all, not the ADHD because we expected that, but the bipolar diagnosis and LITHIUM. I would have never guessed it. It's still hard for me to wrap my brain around, but bipolar was confirmed by a second opinion. But the second opinion suggested staying on his current antidepressant instead of lithium, while engaging in some type of hypnotherapy and another kind of newer therapy. They are still trying to find an ADHD med that works.
So, here I am, a year later. Sometimes my husband "improves" in our relationship but it is always short lived before he reverts back to his norm of taking me for granted, being lazy, wanting maximum reward while putting forth minimum effort, not being able to have an adult disagreement because when I try to talk about his behavior he becomes a child and argues, minimizes, justifies, starts in on something else to make me feel bad for him, etc. The big saying is "I'm working on it." Or "I'm trying." But he keeps doing the same thing in different scenarios. It's just a talking point in my opinion, to keep me at bay because after all, "he's working on it."
Anyway, in the past year, I found out about the A, I had to take him to the mental hospital, he got us in a car accident that totaled our car so we had to spend money on a new one that I wasn't planning on spending, I had to have knee surgery because of the accident, then more physical therapy, to this day my knee still isn't right, he gets diagnosed as bipolar, he tells me he married me even though he didn't think we'd work out because he didn't want to be alone, he also tells me when we were engaged he went to some happy ending/prostitution place and got out to go in but changed his mind because there was someone standing outside and that made him nervous. I don't feel right about this story. I feel like I will never know the truth and I'm trying to be OK with that, but I'm constantly thinking about it. I just feel like so much has happened that I'm still trying to mentally process all of it. I'm not done processing one thing and then another is rammed down my throat.
The worst part is that I feel so stuck because I don't trust my husband with my son. So I don't think I could go through with divorce solely because I feel like the only way for me to protect my son is to stay married so I have control over him always instead of just part of the time.
I'm not sure why I posted all this. I think I just needed to get it out somewhere people know my story. Only my parents and one of my friends know what happened, and I try not to talk to them about it. Thanks for reading my vent. :)
So, here I am, a year later. Sometimes my husband "improves" in our relationship but it is always short lived before he reverts back to his norm of taking me for granted, being lazy, wanting maximum reward while putting forth minimum effort, not being able to have an adult disagreement because when I try to talk about his behavior he becomes a child and argues, minimizes, justifies, starts in on something else to make me feel bad for him, etc. The big saying is "I'm working on it." Or "I'm trying." But he keeps doing the same thing in different scenarios. It's just a talking point in my opinion, to keep me at bay because after all, "he's working on it."
Anyway, in the past year, I found out about the A, I had to take him to the mental hospital, he got us in a car accident that totaled our car so we had to spend money on a new one that I wasn't planning on spending, I had to have knee surgery because of the accident, then more physical therapy, to this day my knee still isn't right, he gets diagnosed as bipolar, he tells me he married me even though he didn't think we'd work out because he didn't want to be alone, he also tells me when we were engaged he went to some happy ending/prostitution place and got out to go in but changed his mind because there was someone standing outside and that made him nervous. I don't feel right about this story. I feel like I will never know the truth and I'm trying to be OK with that, but I'm constantly thinking about it. I just feel like so much has happened that I'm still trying to mentally process all of it. I'm not done processing one thing and then another is rammed down my throat.
The worst part is that I feel so stuck because I don't trust my husband with my son. So I don't think I could go through with divorce solely because I feel like the only way for me to protect my son is to stay married so I have control over him always instead of just part of the time.
I'm not sure why I posted all this. I think I just needed to get it out somewhere people know my story. Only my parents and one of my friends know what happened, and I try not to talk to them about it. Thanks for reading my vent. :)
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