Hi all. I'm in need of some honest opinions about whether or not you think this is forgivable or not. Maybe I'm delusional, but I really don't want to get divorced, I love my husband. We have been together for 13 years and married for 7. We have 4 boys ages 9, 5, 3, and a 3 week old newborn.We both have cheated in the past, but we both forgave and forgot even though it was hard. I cheated when we were 18 and just starting college. I had a side relationship with a guy I met online and had sex 3 or 4 times. We broke it off when my husband (we weren't married at the time) caught me messaging the guy online. I kind of confessed to cheating but I didn't go into details. Then years later after we were married and had 2 kids, he had an affair for a couple of months. I found naked pics on his phone that he took of her and confronted him and he apologized. I gave him an ultimatum of its her or me and he chose me and the family and broke it off with her. It was har d, but I forgave as well. Now fast forward to December of last year. Everything was good, or so I thought. I was 7 months pregnant with our fourth child. Then on Christmas Eve, he comes home from work very distant and moody. After I asked him whats wrong, he asks me if I think our first son is his. I said of course. Then he tells me that he already took a paternity test and that it came back that he wasn't the father??! I was completely shocked that it was negative as well as shocked because he decided to get a test done out of nowhere and behind my back without talking to me first. I told him that I didn't believe that test's results and I wanted another one done because there was no way he wasn't the father. To be honest, I never thought that my son could have been the other guys at all. I was young and dumb at the time and didn't really pay attention to my body so when I found out I was pregnant I automatically assumed it was from the last person I slept with, which was m y husband. Even after the baby was born I had no doubts because he looks just like him. But honestly I guess it could be a possibility because I did have unprotected sex with him so its not that far-fetched. Ok, so when my husband told me all this, I was so upset that I started bleeding that night and almost went into preterm labor. The next day he wanted to talk about but I told him I couldn't handle all the stress right now because I didn't want to lose the baby. He agreed and said we were going to talk about it after the baby but if the new test came back negative again that he was done and we were getting a divorce. He still talked to me a little after that, trying not to stress me out too much for the baby's sake. A few weeks later on Jan. 14th I did end up going into preterm labor because of extremely high blood pressure. As soon as I started having contractions, my husband completely shut me out. He didn't even want to hold my hand during labor. Our baby was born smal l and had to stay in the hospital for 12 days after that and it was so hard going through that and trying to recover from childbirth on top of my husband preparing to leave me. I kept strong for the kids and didn't want to get into yet. However, this past weekend I just broke down and cried and cried about it. I don't want to lose my husband I love our little family so much. I wanted to know why he did the test so secretly like that and let my imagination wonder too much and started thinking it was because he was seeing someone else. He was starting to go out before all of this a lot and not coming home until 3 am and sometimes 6 am. He always says he is at his best friend's house. On his birthday in December, he even stayed out the entire night and didn't come back until the next day! While I'm at home super pregnant and trying to take care of 3 boys. Plus the other day he said he had to go pick up his w2 from his old job after work but he came home and took a shower and c hanged out of his work clothes and stayed out until 3 am that night. Its the same way he was cheating on me the last time. So anyway last night after crying I was frustrated that he still isn't talking to me I texted him (he was sleeping in the kids room) and asked him if he was seeing someone else and if that was the reason why he brought all of this up now. He texted back he did it because he had doubts and he thinks that I knew I was pregnant by that guy but I just didn't want to have an abortion (I'm against it) so I told him it was his!? Then he said he knew I was going to try to turn it around on him and that he's mad that I never even said sorry. I asked to come in the room and talk to me and he did. So I told him I'm sorry for all this but that I wasn't trying to hide anything from him, I truly didn't know that he could have been the father. He didn't buy it and he told me how could I try to turn it around on him and say he's cheating when he cries everyday about it and that he is destroyed by the fact that our son is another mans. (I know it was stupid but I just wanted to know if that was the reason) I could barely speak through all my crying but I told him I'm sorry and that it happened when I was young and dumb and I'm not that person anymore. I told him I don't want a divorce and he was just sitting there shaking his head saying he can't do it. Then the baby started crying so I had to go feed him and he walked back out of the room and nothing is solved still. My question is what can I do to save our marriage? Can it even be saved? We have 3 other children together that are definitely his. I just don't know what to do or say. Has anyone out there been in this situation? It wasn't like I was hiding anything from him, this is a shock to me as well. He knew I cheated and forgave me for it so its not about that. He just is not able to stay with me after I had another man's son (his words). Are those drug store paternity tests even accur ate?? Should I try to get another test done? Someone please help :(
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