I see it all the time in TAM posts..... "EVERYONE CHANGES".....we're supposed to change as the years progress....but HOW much of WHO WE REALLY ARE at our core
changes with the years...(how we envisioned our future, our deepest longings, what brings us happiness, how we communicate, our humor style, our dreams, goals and HOW WE LOVE)...
I assume the vast majority were so happy on their wedding day..they thought they could conquer the world together...after all that's why we get married
...this thread is about what REALLY CHANGED...WHO CHANGED...to bring you to where you are now....what caused the collide... or did one spouse change while the other remained the same...
I often see posters give links to how our brains are not fully developed till age 25... taken from one such article...
Yet many has married before this... and it has lasted... or after our mid 20's...still marital strife seems to reign... So what are people missing during dating...is it a matter of NOT getting to know each other deeply/ vulnerably ENOUGH ....
What best describes your situation in hindsight...
1. Missing Red Flags
... ..... caught up in the "whirlwind / dopamine rush / "LOVE can conquer all" mentality. Maybe friends / relatives even pointed them out...but you felt they were all wrong.
2. Partner misrepresented himself/ herself...(Ex...Man treats his girl like a Queen....ends up an abuser after the Vows..or Girlfriend very sexual / then suddenly the sex dies once the ring is on the finger)...and it feels like a "Bait & Switch"....
3 No Misrepresentation ...all was discussed/ agreed upon going in/ no blinders ...then after so many yrs...Priorities change..and one feels deeply blindsided...(Example....Agreeing to have children, then one changes his or her mind...)
4 Lacking Self awareness to own's own needs & desires in Marriage...maybe low self esteem..."Settled"... Naive....went in blindly...not asking enough questions .... realized later ...very little compatibility ...
5 We haven't really changed much......what we wanted then...it still what we'd want today... the smaller changes that came... we grew & weathered together...
6 We've changed A LOT over the years, growing pains to show for it....but here we are, we are still Kicking...our foundation was strong & come hell or high water...we've made it work...kinda like the words from the Notebook ...fighting it out >>
7 None of the above... please explain...
changes with the years...(how we envisioned our future, our deepest longings, what brings us happiness, how we communicate, our humor style, our dreams, goals and HOW WE LOVE)...
I assume the vast majority were so happy on their wedding day..they thought they could conquer the world together...after all that's why we get married
I often see posters give links to how our brains are not fully developed till age 25... taken from one such article...
Quote:
| According to new studies, the pre-frontal cortex usually does not reach a level of genuine maturity until someone reaches their mid-twenties! "It's sort of unfair to expect [teens] to have adult levels of organizational skills or decision-making before their brains are finished being built" |
What best describes your situation in hindsight...
1. Missing Red Flags
2. Partner misrepresented himself/ herself...(Ex...Man treats his girl like a Queen....ends up an abuser after the Vows..or Girlfriend very sexual / then suddenly the sex dies once the ring is on the finger)...and it feels like a "Bait & Switch"....
3 No Misrepresentation ...all was discussed/ agreed upon going in/ no blinders ...then after so many yrs...Priorities change..and one feels deeply blindsided...(Example....Agreeing to have children, then one changes his or her mind...)
4 Lacking Self awareness to own's own needs & desires in Marriage...maybe low self esteem..."Settled"... Naive....went in blindly...not asking enough questions .... realized later ...very little compatibility ...
5 We haven't really changed much......what we wanted then...it still what we'd want today... the smaller changes that came... we grew & weathered together...
6 We've changed A LOT over the years, growing pains to show for it....but here we are, we are still Kicking...our foundation was strong & come hell or high water...we've made it work...kinda like the words from the Notebook ...fighting it out >>
7 None of the above... please explain...
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment