and doggone it people like you!
That's what I feel like saying to myself every time sadness or insecurity comes over. My D is going to be finalized in May - it took a while for STBXH to sign the D acknowledgement and thanks to CA law you have to wait 6 months after that to have everything said and done.
After the first couple months of separation it seemed like things were getting better. Sleep patterns returned back to normal. My active social life continued with lots of going out and surrounding myself with friends. I've been traveling and venturing out... plotting new international vacations this year. The pounds stopped coming off and eating became normal again. My overall happiness level seemed to go up with less crying at night. :)
Lately things have been more difficult. I recently found out that STBXH was moving out-of-state with the potential of him taking "our" animals along with him. When I decided to separate he kicked me out and did not want "our" animals. Since the city I live in is ridiculously expensive, it was almost impossible to find my own apartment even though I can afford it. STBXH said he'd keep the animals termporarily and would keep them until I could find my own place. Right now I live with fabulous roommates my age (I'm in my early 30's). I was hoping he wouldn't move so soon to buy me more time to find my own place and get a new job to make even more $$$. But STBXH has to do what's best for them and I understand that.
It's really hitting me that I'm losing everything. No more marriage and now my babies are going to be gone permanently. It was my decision to end the marriage and it was the right one.
This whole development has sent me into a tailspin of being back at square one of when I first separated. I'm crying more often now and am feeling more sad. What's worse is feeling so insecure which is unfamiliar territory for me as I've always been a confident woman. Ugh... the insecurity is killing me!
My friends tell me, "Backik, you're young, smart, kick@$$, funny and very beautiful. You finally get a chance to start over and find the right person for you. All the guys we know have been waiting for you to become single and they'll be lining out the door for you when you're ready to date again. You finally got out of your toxic relationship. Don't feel so down!"
All of the positive talk makes me want to bash my head in and tell them how I feel far from amazing, beautiful or awesome. Haha In fact I feel like the complete opposite: undesirable, ugly, emotionally crazy, and an overall hot mess. I miss being in a committed relationship albeit not the one I was in with STBXH. Although I'm very far from considering any kind of dating/putting myself out there it was wonderful sharing life with someone.
Sure I won't feel this way forever but it's definitely how things are now. For the first time in a long time I don't like who I am and that's hard to deal with. There's no explaining why I feel this way - I just do.
Tell me I'm not the only person who experienced this during their divorce! :smthumbup: Can someone assure me that it's okay for me to be this way? Any help or self mantras I should be telling myself? How did you give yourself a swift kick in the you know when you felt yourself starting the grieving cycle all over again?
P.S - When I go to movie theaters or restaurants, I notice all of the couples around me. Sometimes it feels like I'm one of the few single people there. Whenever I went to the same establishments pre-divorce these kinds of things never occurred to me. Side effects of a big break-up!
That's what I feel like saying to myself every time sadness or insecurity comes over. My D is going to be finalized in May - it took a while for STBXH to sign the D acknowledgement and thanks to CA law you have to wait 6 months after that to have everything said and done.
After the first couple months of separation it seemed like things were getting better. Sleep patterns returned back to normal. My active social life continued with lots of going out and surrounding myself with friends. I've been traveling and venturing out... plotting new international vacations this year. The pounds stopped coming off and eating became normal again. My overall happiness level seemed to go up with less crying at night. :)
Lately things have been more difficult. I recently found out that STBXH was moving out-of-state with the potential of him taking "our" animals along with him. When I decided to separate he kicked me out and did not want "our" animals. Since the city I live in is ridiculously expensive, it was almost impossible to find my own apartment even though I can afford it. STBXH said he'd keep the animals termporarily and would keep them until I could find my own place. Right now I live with fabulous roommates my age (I'm in my early 30's). I was hoping he wouldn't move so soon to buy me more time to find my own place and get a new job to make even more $$$. But STBXH has to do what's best for them and I understand that.
It's really hitting me that I'm losing everything. No more marriage and now my babies are going to be gone permanently. It was my decision to end the marriage and it was the right one.
This whole development has sent me into a tailspin of being back at square one of when I first separated. I'm crying more often now and am feeling more sad. What's worse is feeling so insecure which is unfamiliar territory for me as I've always been a confident woman. Ugh... the insecurity is killing me!
My friends tell me, "Backik, you're young, smart, kick@$$, funny and very beautiful. You finally get a chance to start over and find the right person for you. All the guys we know have been waiting for you to become single and they'll be lining out the door for you when you're ready to date again. You finally got out of your toxic relationship. Don't feel so down!"
All of the positive talk makes me want to bash my head in and tell them how I feel far from amazing, beautiful or awesome. Haha In fact I feel like the complete opposite: undesirable, ugly, emotionally crazy, and an overall hot mess. I miss being in a committed relationship albeit not the one I was in with STBXH. Although I'm very far from considering any kind of dating/putting myself out there it was wonderful sharing life with someone.
Sure I won't feel this way forever but it's definitely how things are now. For the first time in a long time I don't like who I am and that's hard to deal with. There's no explaining why I feel this way - I just do.
Tell me I'm not the only person who experienced this during their divorce! :smthumbup: Can someone assure me that it's okay for me to be this way? Any help or self mantras I should be telling myself? How did you give yourself a swift kick in the you know when you felt yourself starting the grieving cycle all over again?
P.S - When I go to movie theaters or restaurants, I notice all of the couples around me. Sometimes it feels like I'm one of the few single people there. Whenever I went to the same establishments pre-divorce these kinds of things never occurred to me. Side effects of a big break-up!
Put the internet to work for you.
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