This is a situation my sister is going through. To make a long story short, (which it will probably be long anyway) her and her husband have been married for 20 years, with two kids, ages 17 and 15. They have always had a rocky relationship, and my sister has always been quite the care taker, while her husband who battled alcoholism in the past, is now sober for 10 years, but still operates in a very passive aggressive manner, giving her the silent treatment for days to weeks on end, and never acts like hes fully present in the marriage.
Things came to a blow last week, when her husband seemed to have snapped during a conversation, and started to call her names ( Something she said he has never done) He was very hateful and angry in his words, and tells her, that the marriage isn't a priority for him to try and work on the marriage and that he was done, and nothing could be saved. She actually agreed that she thought things could no longer be saved, because over the years she had done everything she thought she could to try and save things, while he just acted like he was there. She now realizes she had been holding onto false hope for a long time. She said she saw a side to her husband she had not seen before, it was like he was a different person, someone she didn't really know, because for years he was silent about things and how he felt, and gave her the silent treatment as well. She also stated the person she saw that night seemed to be someone who was seething with resentment and contempt and for whatev er reason it came out that night. Shes afraid theres more where that came from.
Bottom line is he told her he was done, however, he has made that kind of remark before, and even though this is someone who says they are done and their actions show they are etc, he wont leave nor file for separation. Of course by law they both have the right to remain in the home, until something else can be done, however, if hes the one done and wants out, why would he stay? I do know my sister has made the comment in the past he doesn't want to pay child support, well according to our state laws, tough cookies, he would have to anyway. Besides, their kids are 17 and 15, at 18 he wouldn't have to pay support anyway, so its not like they are babies and hes faced with years of paying.
My sister is in the process of seeing what she can do, by talking to a lawyer etc.and right now he doesn't know anything about it. Over the years she has mentioned he was never fully checked into the marriage, never really there for the kids much, never wanted to do much of anything, he always wanted her to be the one to do this or that, carry the burden of whatever, and it seems this is no different. He gripes about hes done and its over, but he makes no move to do anything about it. Apparently he wants my sister to do that as well, not sure why. Surely its not just child support only hes not wanting to pay, for why he wont make a move on anything,
Thoughts on why some people will say they want out, they act like they can't stand their spouse but yet they stay and wont make a move on getting the process started, but leaves it up the other person?
Things came to a blow last week, when her husband seemed to have snapped during a conversation, and started to call her names ( Something she said he has never done) He was very hateful and angry in his words, and tells her, that the marriage isn't a priority for him to try and work on the marriage and that he was done, and nothing could be saved. She actually agreed that she thought things could no longer be saved, because over the years she had done everything she thought she could to try and save things, while he just acted like he was there. She now realizes she had been holding onto false hope for a long time. She said she saw a side to her husband she had not seen before, it was like he was a different person, someone she didn't really know, because for years he was silent about things and how he felt, and gave her the silent treatment as well. She also stated the person she saw that night seemed to be someone who was seething with resentment and contempt and for whatev er reason it came out that night. Shes afraid theres more where that came from.
Bottom line is he told her he was done, however, he has made that kind of remark before, and even though this is someone who says they are done and their actions show they are etc, he wont leave nor file for separation. Of course by law they both have the right to remain in the home, until something else can be done, however, if hes the one done and wants out, why would he stay? I do know my sister has made the comment in the past he doesn't want to pay child support, well according to our state laws, tough cookies, he would have to anyway. Besides, their kids are 17 and 15, at 18 he wouldn't have to pay support anyway, so its not like they are babies and hes faced with years of paying.
My sister is in the process of seeing what she can do, by talking to a lawyer etc.and right now he doesn't know anything about it. Over the years she has mentioned he was never fully checked into the marriage, never really there for the kids much, never wanted to do much of anything, he always wanted her to be the one to do this or that, carry the burden of whatever, and it seems this is no different. He gripes about hes done and its over, but he makes no move to do anything about it. Apparently he wants my sister to do that as well, not sure why. Surely its not just child support only hes not wanting to pay, for why he wont make a move on anything,
Thoughts on why some people will say they want out, they act like they can't stand their spouse but yet they stay and wont make a move on getting the process started, but leaves it up the other person?
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