Ok so I survived the first 8 months post end of a 12 year relationship. I honestly do think of her less and less, and I am at the point where I wish nothing but the best for her. I have forgiven her and have started to forgive myself for all the mistakes I made along the way. I discovered TAM a month or so after the end and I did write quite a bit on here, I shared my story, shared the story about the end for her and I.
Anyways to my point, I have gotten used to the feeling of being single, I really have, I sleep well at night, whereas I used to rarely sleep and dread falling asleep alone. I have gotten used to falling asleep alone and waking up alone, I really have. The holidays were tough I wont lie, but generally I feel pretty ok mentally. The thought of her and what happened used to run through my mind and cause so much hatred, anger and anxiety I felt like I was losing my mind, one a scale of 1-10, the first few months I was no doubt a 10, now I have my moments where I spike at a 5 or 6 but typically remain at a 2-3 ( in terms of feeling negatively) meaning in a typical day I used to pretty much think of her 100%% of the time and now its down to 20-30%% at the very most. ok so to my point
So I have gotten used to being single, the initial shock and pain has completely worn off, but I am really still struggling being alone, not in terms of being in a romantic relationship, but I really don't have friends to talk to. I know many people maintain lifelong friendships, I am not one of those people, I have had many terrific friends over the years, but honestly too much time has passed and everyone has moved on in their life. I think this may be a guy thing, I know many of my male friends ( with the exception of 1) would never really talk to me, about how I was feeling, this is viewed as weakness and the guys I have been friends with don't tolerate that sort of thing. I guess my main question here is, now what? I did find a new job in the new state I was living in, and met a few nice people, but how do I a 37 year old male ( who is still in the process of creating his life- finishing my education, trying to jump into a career) how do I either reestablish old fr iendships ( which I really tried to do but it didn't work) or how do I meet and make new friends? I feel so strange about it, its not like I can walk up to someone and say hey how are you, would you like to be friends... I am just sort of feeling lost, and once again Soveryalone, but this time I am not feeling alone because of my Ex, its more just a situational thing, I really don't feel like I have that supportive group of people in my life, that I need so badly right now.
lastly I am planning on moving back with my family for a little while , the last 6 months I have lived 3.5 hours away from my entire family with a roommate for the previous 4.5 months. Him and I really have nothing at all in common and he very much a negative influence on my life, he is a completely bitter and negative 62 year old man and being around him makes me feel depressed and even worse than that from time to time.:(
Anyways to my point, I have gotten used to the feeling of being single, I really have, I sleep well at night, whereas I used to rarely sleep and dread falling asleep alone. I have gotten used to falling asleep alone and waking up alone, I really have. The holidays were tough I wont lie, but generally I feel pretty ok mentally. The thought of her and what happened used to run through my mind and cause so much hatred, anger and anxiety I felt like I was losing my mind, one a scale of 1-10, the first few months I was no doubt a 10, now I have my moments where I spike at a 5 or 6 but typically remain at a 2-3 ( in terms of feeling negatively) meaning in a typical day I used to pretty much think of her 100%% of the time and now its down to 20-30%% at the very most. ok so to my point
So I have gotten used to being single, the initial shock and pain has completely worn off, but I am really still struggling being alone, not in terms of being in a romantic relationship, but I really don't have friends to talk to. I know many people maintain lifelong friendships, I am not one of those people, I have had many terrific friends over the years, but honestly too much time has passed and everyone has moved on in their life. I think this may be a guy thing, I know many of my male friends ( with the exception of 1) would never really talk to me, about how I was feeling, this is viewed as weakness and the guys I have been friends with don't tolerate that sort of thing. I guess my main question here is, now what? I did find a new job in the new state I was living in, and met a few nice people, but how do I a 37 year old male ( who is still in the process of creating his life- finishing my education, trying to jump into a career) how do I either reestablish old fr iendships ( which I really tried to do but it didn't work) or how do I meet and make new friends? I feel so strange about it, its not like I can walk up to someone and say hey how are you, would you like to be friends... I am just sort of feeling lost, and once again Soveryalone, but this time I am not feeling alone because of my Ex, its more just a situational thing, I really don't feel like I have that supportive group of people in my life, that I need so badly right now.
lastly I am planning on moving back with my family for a little while , the last 6 months I have lived 3.5 hours away from my entire family with a roommate for the previous 4.5 months. Him and I really have nothing at all in common and he very much a negative influence on my life, he is a completely bitter and negative 62 year old man and being around him makes me feel depressed and even worse than that from time to time.:(
Put the internet to work for you.
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