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My cousin cheated me love. Feeling really bad

My cousin boy came with his family to asia to the home country where I live. I was just 11 years old. .Iam his 5 th cousinI know british ppl don't marry or get on with cousins. He lives in uk though he was born in asia with me. I and he are 9 years different age. But I loved him so much. He kept rounding me when I was 11. I never understood then since I was small. bUT now I feel it.


First when I came to spk to him he spoke closer to my lips bringing his face very closer to mine. wen He spks he immediately brings his mouth to mine to drag my attention. when I asked him I wanted a leaf for my homework he took and gave. I was seeing very far outside through some instrument which magnifies far things. he asked how far I could see. I said stupidly 2 m. He said in reply its just a little distance.

Then in the evening he came with his elder sister and sat beside me in the sofa and lied on my lap. he didn't spk anything. I was surprised. I askd wat. he said to see through his hair. I said no. but he said see again. I saw then. when I took my hands off he looked at me frm top to bottom and said, there is something bujt nothing ryt? I felt something in me. I couldn't do anything. he came close to me and was abt to kiss me but didn't. he just stayed lyk that. I got up and went freezed.

We cannot take our eyes off each other wen v look at each other. its lyk v r glued. then I smiled shyly. he smiled too.
Wen I came to him saying my mom called him to drink coffee down with others he was sleeping. I was breathing fast at his face as I walked upstairs fastyl. I know he looked at me.when I opened my eyes he closed his. he didn't spk again. wen he gav an answer I said ok and went way. he reached out his hand to tell me to stop. I didn't see that tym.
He lvs me to beside him, touch him. In his brothers weding reception he carried me and hugged me and touched.
Another day I said I don't eat beef In an aunts house. He bought beef and said its chicken and fed me. I kissed him without touching him just by mouth. He couldn't control but felt it in him. then he spok again close to my lips and said its a piece of chicken I took it frm there.
so and so. he slept beside me on the floor and was watching my behind. he was almost to touch my birthmark on my neck, but his sister stopped. As I was small I never realized.
Now only I thought.
But when I realized and talked to him after 7 years he returned to my eldest sisters wedding, he said hes loving a gujarati in London. I felt like he stamped on me and cannot bear it. he said he loved her since he came to the weding. then y did he behave lyk that to me? I asked him kindly thru email what is the name of the girl. he shouted thru email and said he thought me as his sister. if he thought if I am a kind of sister y should he spk close to my mouth and all. he said in email he took revenge cos my father told him to marry me. I know its no british system to marry cousin. but I am a different mix as my father is frm a place and mom is frm a different place but same country. No genetic disorders will come ryt? Other cousins rr all frm the same place. only my parents r different. he insulted me.

He told his parents and siblings too. I felt terribly hurt. I don't know how to look into the face. He is now bought a house after marrying to live with that girll. I want to tell my amma. but don't know how to? so scared. after getting so insulted and reason cos of my father is so not good. his reason is rubbish. in our hindu culture v do marry ousins to giv respect to the parent siblings as they r their children. its not in western culture. he left me.
Hes always looking at me and trying to drag my attention but leaves me away. now I am alone. my father is also not alive.

I cannot sleep in the nights. I always think of him. I am not lyk other ppl to 4get others feelings. I don't tell loving is bad but i have loved a person who has been untrue to me. I feel bad.sometimes I get dreams saying hes gonna marry which makes my heart beat faster. each tym I cry. I haven't seen myself happy for a long tym. im scared. every1 says my facelooks sad. I am currently doing ALEVEL but cannot focus. I am trying cos its important. I got the best results easily in school for olevel but now it is slow.wat to do?

IFTTT

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