Just found this forum, been reading it off-and-on for the last few days, so hopefully someone out there can offer helpful advice.
Trying to keep this short, been married 20 years, we were together for three additional before that, and over the course of the last ten years, our relationship has seemingly been in a death spiral. I've used the analogy with my wife many times that it's like a boat that's been filling up with water a little bit at a time and it's finally at the edge of sinking - doesn't take but that one extra little drop to send it under. Personally, I feel like the boat's sunk, and furthermore, she's pushing it farther down in the silt at the bottom of the river each passing week.
My problem seems to be a common concoction; she has become increasingly less-attentive of me in almost all respects. She doesn't really listen when I talk, she tunes me out while watching TV or we're in the car, I'm treated rather like an old brown shoe - comfortable and she likes to know I'm there but I'm not given much attention. I'm not codependent or an attention hog, but it's gotten very hurtful. We've been to counseling off-and-on for the last half dozen years, she acknowledges she has a bad habit of just tuning me out and she's resolved to remedy this situation a hundred times, but it continues. The therapist gave us plenty of exercises to do, recommendations for books to read, etc., and she happily agrees to do them in the office, but once we're home, she doesn't do them and she doesn't read the books. She has plenty of time to read endless cookbooks and do things she's interested in, but apparently no time for me.
And, no surprise, our sex life has gotten progressively worse as well. I won't go into details in this regard as I may do that later in another section of the forum, but we've had an extraordinary sex life in the past and even just in the last couple years, we had something of a magical rebirth in that regard that gave me great hope. Then we planned a "fun" fantasy weekend which she called off two weeks before it occurred because she "got religion" and now thinks just about everything fun and kinky is sinful. Yes, we've talked about this with the counselor too, but to no avail. I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to try anymore.
We have a sixteen-year-old daughter and she's seen this disconnect with my wife as well, it's not just me. There's been plenty of times when we're all in the TV room together and she'll get angry and snap something out like, "Mom! Dad's talking to you!" At which point wife will snap out of wherever she's at. And yes, this does seem to be a problem just with me, I haven't noticed her doing it with anyone else.
I'm not trying to sound like a selfish brat here, I seriously love this woman and I don't know what to do. We've been together for twenty-three years, and last year, she forgot my birthday - that's where we're at.
Any helpful advice would be most appreciated. Thanks and take care. :confused:
Trying to keep this short, been married 20 years, we were together for three additional before that, and over the course of the last ten years, our relationship has seemingly been in a death spiral. I've used the analogy with my wife many times that it's like a boat that's been filling up with water a little bit at a time and it's finally at the edge of sinking - doesn't take but that one extra little drop to send it under. Personally, I feel like the boat's sunk, and furthermore, she's pushing it farther down in the silt at the bottom of the river each passing week.
My problem seems to be a common concoction; she has become increasingly less-attentive of me in almost all respects. She doesn't really listen when I talk, she tunes me out while watching TV or we're in the car, I'm treated rather like an old brown shoe - comfortable and she likes to know I'm there but I'm not given much attention. I'm not codependent or an attention hog, but it's gotten very hurtful. We've been to counseling off-and-on for the last half dozen years, she acknowledges she has a bad habit of just tuning me out and she's resolved to remedy this situation a hundred times, but it continues. The therapist gave us plenty of exercises to do, recommendations for books to read, etc., and she happily agrees to do them in the office, but once we're home, she doesn't do them and she doesn't read the books. She has plenty of time to read endless cookbooks and do things she's interested in, but apparently no time for me.
And, no surprise, our sex life has gotten progressively worse as well. I won't go into details in this regard as I may do that later in another section of the forum, but we've had an extraordinary sex life in the past and even just in the last couple years, we had something of a magical rebirth in that regard that gave me great hope. Then we planned a "fun" fantasy weekend which she called off two weeks before it occurred because she "got religion" and now thinks just about everything fun and kinky is sinful. Yes, we've talked about this with the counselor too, but to no avail. I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to try anymore.
We have a sixteen-year-old daughter and she's seen this disconnect with my wife as well, it's not just me. There's been plenty of times when we're all in the TV room together and she'll get angry and snap something out like, "Mom! Dad's talking to you!" At which point wife will snap out of wherever she's at. And yes, this does seem to be a problem just with me, I haven't noticed her doing it with anyone else.
I'm not trying to sound like a selfish brat here, I seriously love this woman and I don't know what to do. We've been together for twenty-three years, and last year, she forgot my birthday - that's where we're at.
Any helpful advice would be most appreciated. Thanks and take care. :confused:
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