I have made a few posts in the past regarding my husband being passive aggresive?? (which I believe is getting worse over time) and some of the things he has done/behaviour recently. At the momment I am questioning what to do as I am really not sure if we should keep trying with our marriage.
A quick intro - We have been married 19 yrs, together 22 yrs, 2 kids 15 and 10. He works in the oil industry which is a 4 weeks away and 4 weeks home shift. Throughout our time together he has always worked away but different shift patterns.
Over the last 7/8 months things between us have been pretty bad. When he comes home, the first few days are great (great sex, attentive with me and kids, tired but happy, etc) but then he becomes very withdrawn, doesnt answer questions but looks through/at us, never initiates conversations, wont make a deciscion, he wont stand up for us, the list goes on!!! I came home this week after getting my hair done, which he knew was happening, and just stood staring at me. It was obvious he was thinking but never spoke. When I turned to him and said it was ok to say something and that I wasnt a mind reader he just said "what" and smirked!!!
Over this time I have mentioned to him about how things are and he says he didnt realise he was being like that but it still carries on. He keeps saying he is trying but the same pattern happens and with the same conversations. We had a big arguement a few days ago. My friend /neighbour phoned to ask me to come over and see her new furniture, hubby got the call. I told him I was in the middle of some computer stuff and couldnt just go there and then. After about 10 mins I was at a point where I could leave it so decided to nip over to my friend's. I didnt tell hubby as he was busy outside and I was only there for 5/10 mins. When I came home he had a go at me. How he thought it was awful that I went and never told him, took him with me,........etc. It was like having an arguement with a little boy and/or a terrified rabbit caught in the headlights. In the row he also said "Im 47 yrs old.......and can make my own decisions" I turned round and said "Well grow up then and p rove it" Probably not what I should of said but it is how I feel.
I feel like I am the man of the house as no matter how much I involve him, look to him for answers, give him every opportunity to take charge, he just doesnt do it and I just have to. I have to always initiate a conversation, get him involved with the kids, motivate him, etc Im tired and had enough. I just dont know how to approach him anymore. I suggested that he goes to the doctors to get checked over as I thought he could be depressed but no "Im fine dont be stupid". I am also pretty sure there is no one else either. He also has a secure job he likes with a very good salary so no real problems there. We are going on holiday in 2 days which, when booked 5 months ago, I hoped we would be making some good progress but nothing has changed.
I would really like for things to be good between us again but I cant keep trying to do it on my own. Is there any other ways I can approach him which might get him to sit up and take notice and realise what is happening??
A quick intro - We have been married 19 yrs, together 22 yrs, 2 kids 15 and 10. He works in the oil industry which is a 4 weeks away and 4 weeks home shift. Throughout our time together he has always worked away but different shift patterns.
Over the last 7/8 months things between us have been pretty bad. When he comes home, the first few days are great (great sex, attentive with me and kids, tired but happy, etc) but then he becomes very withdrawn, doesnt answer questions but looks through/at us, never initiates conversations, wont make a deciscion, he wont stand up for us, the list goes on!!! I came home this week after getting my hair done, which he knew was happening, and just stood staring at me. It was obvious he was thinking but never spoke. When I turned to him and said it was ok to say something and that I wasnt a mind reader he just said "what" and smirked!!!
Over this time I have mentioned to him about how things are and he says he didnt realise he was being like that but it still carries on. He keeps saying he is trying but the same pattern happens and with the same conversations. We had a big arguement a few days ago. My friend /neighbour phoned to ask me to come over and see her new furniture, hubby got the call. I told him I was in the middle of some computer stuff and couldnt just go there and then. After about 10 mins I was at a point where I could leave it so decided to nip over to my friend's. I didnt tell hubby as he was busy outside and I was only there for 5/10 mins. When I came home he had a go at me. How he thought it was awful that I went and never told him, took him with me,........etc. It was like having an arguement with a little boy and/or a terrified rabbit caught in the headlights. In the row he also said "Im 47 yrs old.......and can make my own decisions" I turned round and said "Well grow up then and p rove it" Probably not what I should of said but it is how I feel.
I feel like I am the man of the house as no matter how much I involve him, look to him for answers, give him every opportunity to take charge, he just doesnt do it and I just have to. I have to always initiate a conversation, get him involved with the kids, motivate him, etc Im tired and had enough. I just dont know how to approach him anymore. I suggested that he goes to the doctors to get checked over as I thought he could be depressed but no "Im fine dont be stupid". I am also pretty sure there is no one else either. He also has a secure job he likes with a very good salary so no real problems there. We are going on holiday in 2 days which, when booked 5 months ago, I hoped we would be making some good progress but nothing has changed.
I would really like for things to be good between us again but I cant keep trying to do it on my own. Is there any other ways I can approach him which might get him to sit up and take notice and realise what is happening??
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