BTW I have noticed this pattern of making people (on TAM) who cheated responsible for EVERYTHING in the relationship.
I even noticed a post where PHYSICAL ABUSE of a spouse for YEARS didn't matter/was equal to a one night stand aka cheating.
I have NEVER had a physical affair, nor an emotional one. But living with an abusive spouse, who was also cheating on me, I can see how being in a terrible place in your life can make you lose yourself and seek COMFORT somewhere.
Unless there was a clear situation where one person cheated out of boredom or whatever.. I think some people need to realize they are projecting and, in some cases, being cruel.
Cheating is not okay, but there are situations where someone is so lost or in pain that they want to escape. Specifically true for men and women who were in abusive/controlling relationships.
I will be the first person to admit that although I took the "high road" and didn't cheat it was most likely because after my stbx men repulsed me (there was some sexual abuse/demeaning in my case)
Had I met someone who gave me any escape at that time, even emotionally I don't know if I would have considered it cheating.
There are cases where the relationship is long over even though the papers are not signed.
I understand this is very painful for people that have been cheated on, especially when they felt there were no real problems in the marriage.. only to find out their spouse was having a/multiple PA/EA.
I had it happen to me and the only reason I didn't have a breakdown is probably due to the abuse and numbness- I had no more feeling left to give.
But in cases where it's not so clear or there is obvious abuse I think we should all have some empathy.
I think these cases are VERY different from the deliberate scheming and cheating ones.
BTW I am not talking about giving people a critical analysis of their life and trying to wake them up, I'm talking about posts that ignore everything the "poor innocent" spouse has done while vilifying the actions of the "cheater"....
Do people agree? Or ?
I even noticed a post where PHYSICAL ABUSE of a spouse for YEARS didn't matter/was equal to a one night stand aka cheating.
I have NEVER had a physical affair, nor an emotional one. But living with an abusive spouse, who was also cheating on me, I can see how being in a terrible place in your life can make you lose yourself and seek COMFORT somewhere.
Unless there was a clear situation where one person cheated out of boredom or whatever.. I think some people need to realize they are projecting and, in some cases, being cruel.
Cheating is not okay, but there are situations where someone is so lost or in pain that they want to escape. Specifically true for men and women who were in abusive/controlling relationships.
I will be the first person to admit that although I took the "high road" and didn't cheat it was most likely because after my stbx men repulsed me (there was some sexual abuse/demeaning in my case)
Had I met someone who gave me any escape at that time, even emotionally I don't know if I would have considered it cheating.
There are cases where the relationship is long over even though the papers are not signed.
I understand this is very painful for people that have been cheated on, especially when they felt there were no real problems in the marriage.. only to find out their spouse was having a/multiple PA/EA.
I had it happen to me and the only reason I didn't have a breakdown is probably due to the abuse and numbness- I had no more feeling left to give.
But in cases where it's not so clear or there is obvious abuse I think we should all have some empathy.
I think these cases are VERY different from the deliberate scheming and cheating ones.
BTW I am not talking about giving people a critical analysis of their life and trying to wake them up, I'm talking about posts that ignore everything the "poor innocent" spouse has done while vilifying the actions of the "cheater"....
Do people agree? Or ?
Put the internet to work for you.
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