Why can't my house be cleaned?

Issue: CLEAN HOUSE??.:confused: Back ground: Together: 5 years Kids: 2 (10 and 8) Jobs: Me: Military, Wife: Stay at home home Typical Day Me: Up at 5am don't get home to 5pm (working) Typical Day Wife: Up at 6 am, gets the kids ready for school, takes them to school, goes to the gym, picks the kids up. Ages: 29 I know I have handled this issue in the past very wrong. I would call my wife lazy and or half ass because she doesn't like to clean the house. My wife has told me in the beginning that she never wants to be like her mother, yet I look at her and see that is the exact person she is turning into. However before I begin, I want to state that my house isn't dirty or filthy. But the house isn't up to my standards. I just know I wouldn't invite people over to my house the way it looked/looks. I would feel embarrassed, and my wife just don't see that. Recent Event(s): I'm home for two weeks for R&R before I have to return back to the desert for another 6 months. When I get to the airport I'm happier then ever cause I get to see my wife and kids for the first time in over 6 months. I get home, and the first thing I notice is 28 pairs of shoes laying all around the front door. Not neatly stacked or place, just thrown where ever. Not only is there 28 pairs of shoes, but dirty socks as well. We have a shoe rack at the door, and it wasn't really being used. I have no problem if my wife and kids wants 50 pairs of shoes, but the shoe rack only holds about 4-5 pairs of shoes per rack. I confronted my wife and said this is unsat, yet she looked at me and said he doesn't have an issue with it. I told my kids the same and had them clean up their shoes and socks. Asked them to place only 4-5 pairs of shoes there and take the rest to their room. I didn't ask my wife to do it, I figured she was an adult and didn't want make h er feel like a kid. So I gave it two days, before I asked her to do them same. Of course she got defensive and told me I wasn't her father and she sees no issue with having 10+ shoes by the door. I told her it looks like your stuffing 10 pounds of **** in a 5 pound bag. Next issue I had was the laundry. A few days before I came home my wife posted she wasn't motivated to do anymore laundry. When I got home, I noticed the baskets (2) of clean clothes that my wife talked about 2 days ago. I asked her why they haven't been folded and put away, she told me "i don't know". Following that, I went to use our guest bathroom, and had to throw something away. I noticed the trash can was pretty full and didn't have a trash bag. When I asked why there wasn't a bag in their my wife's response was " I don't know". I asked how can you not know, you are throwing stuff in there. To make things worst, when I went to empty it out and put a new trash bag in it, I found a dirty diaper. I asked her a few more times, how can you not put a trash bag in a trash can. Who does this? She response again was " I don't know". Now I go to put my kids to bed and noticed their bed room was a complete mess. My kids have a play room and a bed room, nothing is in the bed room but their furniture and clothes. I get in the room and there is crap everywhere. clothes all over the floor, trash under the bed, toys in the closets. I told the kids, when they get home from school the next day they would clean it. Once again I asked my wife how could you let their room get this way. Her response "I don't know, it's normally not like that" Of course I didn't believe her. Now I get to our bed room, she has dirty and clean clothes laying all over the floor and bed, with hampers half full. I asked why can't you pick up after yourself. Once again her response was "I don't know." Of course there are bags in the room with what I call junk in it and when I ask her what it is, she tells me its stuff she put in a bag and just left it there, that she has't gotten to it yet. I've been home now for a week and the bag is still there. Then I go into the bathroom, and wow what do I see, ants all over the counters. I understand I live in FL, and these so called sugar ants come out, but I told her if you keep wet area's clean they won't be here. I mean there was tooth paste on the counter, she hair products all over the dual sinks, mouth wash on the counters. So of course the ants where having a field day. Then I go to empty the trash can, and what do I see??? More ants. I'm not sure when the trash can was last changed, but seeing all those ant's tells me it may have been awhile. Finally, I start cleaning some things and snooping around and I notice my wife puts **** everywhere, and there is no real organization. MY wife calls it organized chaos, yet she still can't find things. I found mail in 5 different locations, and asked why this is. Some things made sense like, my new credit cards, but a lot of the mail was useless and just placed where ever she could find a spot. I know my wife and I come from different family back grounds. I learned how to clean and how i THINK thinks should be done or cleaned from my mother. She cleaned houses all her life. So I base my cleaning habits from my mother. My wife on the other hand didn't live in that same environment, and wasn't shown how to do things or how to clean things the way I did. Growing up she didn't live in a clean house, and things weren't always clean and had a place. I feel she lives the way she grew up. and she doesn't see an issue with that. In the past she has expressed she was never shown how to do certain things, so I have showed her and told her this is how my mother showed me. 9 times out of 10 when I say something to my wife she gets defensive and states its always your way or no way. I try and tell her if it was my way things would be much different then what they are. I have looked at the situation and made a compromise, but she doesn't see it that way at all since it isn't the way she runs the house. I don't expect my house to be immaculate, but I do enjoy a clean neat house. Being in the military I learned at a young age to clean up after myself and know that there is a place of everything. So I expect my house to be clean and neat when I get home from work or even a deployment. I know I have told my wife since she doesn't have a job that the house is her job for now. She doesn't like my answer, but I feel its the truth. Now I'm not saying she should do all the work, oh HELL NO! I do my part as well, and help out all the time, but I don't want to pick up after my wife all the time. When my wife cooks, I clean the dishes, I of course do most of the yard work. Hell while I'm deployed my wife wanted me to hire someone to take care of the yard, and I did. I didn't want to, cause I have everything in the garage to do the job. But that is what my wife wanted. She is an adult and she SHOULD know her responsibilities. My wife thinks the house is clean and is accept able. Then I asked her a question, would you like to have people that you care about over to your house looking the way it looked, she paused and couldn't give me an answer at first, then said "NO". I then stated, that is how I feel too, I would like my house to always be presentable. My wife hates when she feels like I act like her father and not her husband. I understand what she is talking about, but at the same time I feel I have to sometimes since when I hint it, or ask her she doesn't do it. So I have to. I don't like to, but I feel at times it is the only way I can get my point across. This has been an on going battle for all 5 years, but I figured I would post the most recent events. My wife is a wonderful person, but I just feel she gets very lazy and or half-ass when it comes to having a clean house. She is a wonderful mother to our kids, and very supportive, and loving wife. But when it comes to this issue, she has "dropped the ball". I don't want a divorce or get rid of her. She is my world. And I feel as a couple we should be able to work out our issues together. Once again my wife always feels that it has to be my way, and at times I do feel that way. When I ask her what is her way, she doesn't have an answer, she just gets mad at me and says "I don't know". I have little things I have issues with like the tooth paste lid not on, and the way the toilet paper should be put on the roller. But these are things I can correct myself and don't get too upset at. Maybe in the past I did, but now I just let it go and do it myself. Ok, I feel like I could go on and on about this, but I'm not. I know I may not have handled this situation(s) the right way in the past, and maybe this is why I'm asking for help/advice.

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