Life sucks! Wife may be cheating and is very abusive

Hello, I posted on this site around 3 years ago for some help in my relationship. Although the advice was good at the time, I did not take in all of it and I chose to submit to my wife. I'm back because things have not gotten better and I need direction. I'm seriously considering divorce but it also makes me feel guilty. I need some advice at least to convince myself that divorce may be the only answer. I'll try to include all the details to paint a clear picture about what I've been going through. Me and my wife have been married for 12 years. We have known each other since middle school and started dated in high school. She joined the Marines at 17 and served for 6 years. We got married at 19 and had our daughter at 22. We were always close then. Even when she got deployed, I never questioned her loyalty. She was more than my wife. She was also my best friend. Things started to change after her second tour. She started to become verbally abusive towards me. She was never abusive to our daughter but it seems that all her anger was geared towards me. Some time after she was discharged, she became physically abusive. She would slap and punch me when I did something that she didn't like. Often times, this would be in front of our daughter. I never hit her back but I always tried to calm her down and diffuse the situation. Around this time, I started chatting with a woman on Facebook. She was very attractive but in Dubai. I had no intentions of meeting her even though we talked about a lot of things. I sent a lot of explicit messages telling her how beautiful she was and things like that. One day, I was showing my wife some pictures on Facebook and I went to the bathroom. She opened my messages and saw the conversation. I never deleted a single message and she read them all. I came out the bathroom and she attacked me. She gave me a black eye and also bit my forearm. I was sorry for what I did but honestly, I didn't think it was a big deal. That's when I came to this site shortly thereafter and started looking for lurking through other posts. I then learned that what I had was an EA and that it's just as disrespectful as having a PA. I apologized to my wife and tried to promise her that it would never happen again. She made me cancel my facebook account and it has been closed since then. Deep down, I felt that I liked the attention that the other woman provided and that's why I did it. I never told my wife that because I knew she would get more upset. She did become more abusive after that incident. Sex became bland. Sex would usually start with me giving her oral sex. Afterwards, she would give me a hand job if she was feeling up for it. I felt that she was in charge of everything and I felt powerless. Back to the abuse, she eventually stopped hitting me and started using what I call torture. We were once heading to the Walmart and we were arguing about whether or not our daughter should go to swim class since she was sick. My wife was so pissed that when we got to the store, she refused to go in the store with me. What ended up happening was she went inside with my daughter and I stayed in the car. She took the keys with her and I was locked inside. I could have gotten out but it would have tripped the alarm. It was very hot and when she came out and saw me, she laughed. I was covered in sweat and very hurt. The same thing happened multiple times after that. There was once a baby shower that I didn't want to go to. She didn't give me a choice and made me go. I was literally the only male there in the middle of a bunch of women. One woman made a sexual joke about oral sex and everyone laughed. I also laughed because I thought it was funny. I guess my wife felt guilty or ups et. Either way, she looked at me furiously and said "Go sit your ass in the car". I didn't want to make a scene so I did what she said. She stood there in the windows and armed the car as soon as I shut the door. I sat there for the next few hours and when she finally came out, she didn't say a word. When we got home, she told me to go in the bathroom. We went in and I didn't know what to expect. I was hoping that we would finally air out some of our problems. She turned on the music very very loud and told me to stay in the bathroom until she comes back. I thought it was some sort of joke or game but I stayed in there for almost 4 hours. The door was blocked so I couldn't get out without trying to destroy it. She eventually came back with my daughter and they saw me in the corner crying. My daughter was wondering what was wrong and my wife had a smirk on her face. I believe that's around the time I came here. I eventually was able to trick her into getting a consultation at the VA and she eventually started getting weekly therapy sessions. She was diagnosed with PTSD and started taking medications. The abuse still went on but the quantity was less. It would also take her much longer to get upset than before. Sex has never gotten better although that may be partly due to the medication she was taking. Today, things have started to get worse. I noticed a change in pattern of her behavior. She has become nicer to me and she is also taking care of herself more. She now goes on weekly hair appointments and gets her nails done. This is good for me but it still made me feel uneasy. She has always been in shape and is an very attractive woman. A few weeks ago, we had to reset a bill password because she didn't remember it. She changed the password and gave me the new password. I tried to use the password on her facebook account and it was the same password. I knew I shouldn't snoop but my curiosity got the best of me. I found messages between her and another man. What's worse is that I know the man since she works with him. From reading the messages, it seems that they have been sleeping with each other for at least a couple years. There are countless messages about sex and they discuss things that my wife would never do with me sexually. She tells him in the messages that she loves me but doesn't feel satisfied with me. It seems that their arrangement is mostly sex only. I saw this and just broke down crying. I've been giving this woman everything that I have and she has been cheating on me. I should have saved the messages but I didn't. I was actually very stupid. Instead of confronting her, I would ask her different questions about him and their work relationship. I guess she got the message because when I went back to go in her Facebook to read their new interactions, her password was changed. After going back and forth with this in my mind, I decided to confront her about their relationship. She denied and denied everything about it. I told her to log onto facebook and let me see but she said that I don't need to see it because her facebook is private. We ended up getting in a fist fight with her throwing most of the blows, I ran out the house and just left. I didn't want to go to jail and I didn't want my daughter to see anymore of this. I left all of my things and phone back in the house but I didn't care. I took some time off of work and just stayed at one of my buddies that stays about an hour away. After being gone for 4 days, I called her to check on her and my daughter. She broke down crying and told me she missed me. She said that things haven't been the same since I've been gone and that she wants me to come home. I also spoke to my daughter and she says that she misses me. My friend told me not to go home just yet. It was hard but I took his advice and told my wife that I would think about it. About 2 hours later, there was a knock on the door and it was my wife and my daughter. They knew where I was from the phone call and decided to drive up to get me. I couldn't bear to tell them no face to face so I ended up following them back home. This was on Sunday night. I told her that I wanted to talk about everything that has happened and I wanted to see her Facebook. She showed me the facebook and of course, all the messages have been deleted. She says that he is nasty and she would never sleep with him. However, I know what I saw and she just has to be lying. When we went to sleep that night, she gave me the best sex that I've had in many many years. She did things that I didn't even know she was capable of. She told me that she is sorry for how she treated me and she wants things to change. So now I'm stuck and that's where I need help. I'm sorry this post is so long but I needed to put the history out there in order to get the best advice. We've tried marriage counseling in the past but we've never did more than 2 sessions before quitting. I really don't want to turn my back on my daughter and I still love my wife to death. I think it would be selfish for me to divorce her known that she suffers from PTSD. Deep down, divorce may seem like the right choice even though I really don't want to. Should I stick around to see if things get better or what should I do. Should I believe that she will really change or is was that just a trick to get me home?

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