Never thought I would be in this boat again...

Hi everyone. I am here, sadly, second separation from my H. First one was a few years ago, he left me for OW. Didn't last more than a few months and I took him back. I knew he had deep remorse, huge regrets from the day he left. He looked awful each time I saw him and said he couldn't believe that he had done this horrific act of having an affair. We took time to heal and we really fell in love all over again. It was an amazingly good time when we reconciled. Now, years later, he's unhappy. I had no idea. He moved out and we've been separated for several months. I check bank accounts and phone bills and was certain there was no affair this time, that we just needed time apart. And this time apart has been good for us. We've reconnected in some ways, had amazing sex, and have fun when we see each other. And then , the bomb drops. I found out there's OW and I feel so dumb. So naive. So incredibly used and kicked to the curb. All the feel ins I felt the first time around are back in full force, just like I am reliving those days. I wouldnt wish this pain on anyone. Well, ok, maybe him!! I want him to hurt too!! I have no idea yet the extent of this affair. But I know now there is no way I could ever trust him again. And the thought of being alone and betrayed again is killing me. I know from last time, the things I can't and shouldn't do. I am thinking through this instead of reacting badly. I also know that I cant Talk to family or friends about this yet. I can't deal with their criticisms and I told you so's. So thanks for letting me vent here!

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