Married to a bore in bed

I have been married for 12 years and would rate my sex life a 3 out of 10. It seems since before we married my wife has never really been into human contact. She is not a snuggler, not a kisser and outside of a hand full of times surprised me with more than vanilla missionary sex. Since we have met I have tried to get her to talk about her likes/dislikes etc... No Go to the point that it makes you not want to discuss your likes/desires as you feel you are being judged. Not to mention she never initiates conversation about this kind of stuff. At first (while dating) she was shy to talk about sex but was semi fun. Ie. she watched porn with me and even got off on it a few times. As time progressed she requested I ditch the porn. Per her request I did but after a short time returned to it when I began traveling a lot with my job. Looking back now I may have returned to the porn in an effort to balance my HD with her LD. As time passed, our sex life never got better. At first I chalked up to having 3 kids in 35 mos. Then I credited her with being tired raising the kids (I acknowledge this is hard work). But as time has passed and I've tried to kick start things they always seem to return to flat. About one year ago my wife found my porn stash. Angry and hurt she confronted me with it. At that time I admitted to her that I had pretty much been using the porn since the beginning of our marriage. Needless to say she was hurt and felt, still feels, that our marriage has been one big lie. I don't believe this is the case because I have never tried or wanted to cheat on her with another woman. I just used the porn as a release from stress and perhaps to balance our crappy sex life out. I left out the crappy sex life part but did tell her that I used as a stress reliever and was bored with our routine .... The routine... No interest in anything but quick foreplay ( She touches me, my touching her she doesn't like, no passionate kissing, no indication from her what feels good only a nudge or shove if a touch feels bad). Then it's oral sometimes for her and missionary for me. Then it's off to sleep. Note... Occasionally I am aloud to use a vibrator in place of oral, occasionally. Now maybe I'm wrong but this routine bores me to pieces. As mentioned before I've tried to talk but the light does not go off! I've tried to arrange hot dates at home and on the town ( I get one notch above Vanilla). I've tried to do extra around the house (I get sexy promises with more vanilla). It has gotten to the point over the last couple of years where i am getting angry at her. And really don't want to try anymore. Since the porn has been found the sex has remained vanilla but when we have disagreements it seems to always get used on her side. In addition I now hear all the time that she is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I heard this again this morning. To wrap it all up, my job, something I used to love, sucks but I can't leave because I make good money. My kids are getting older and wearing on us as a couple and causing fights. As these other areas get more stressful I find I have less patience for my wife and her lack of interest. Divorce is not an option in my eyes, I've made my bed. I guess I just need to know how to encourage her to want to have more fun. The one area where we can come together and share our wildest deepest desires. Or, better yet, should I just give up on a fun sex life?

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