| So apologies in advance if this becomes incoherent and reads like an 11 year old's tragedy But basically... I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and we had a tumultuous relationship with a lot of love and passion between us. He worked full time and i was and still am a student. We had broken up once prior to this time due to me going to uni and becoming 'busier' and he becoming jealous and crazy. During that break up he would call me up and scream abuse at me and tried to harm himself twice. Before we were together I got with a guy who was 10 years older than me, we ended nothing serious and I maintained a somewhat sporadic friendship with him. Last summer as I was home and my friends were AWOL, I hung out more with him maybe 1/2 a week, only once very briefly at his house. My ex didn't like this because he was jealous and so selfishly i lied about this. I got very drunk one night with my friends in town and he was there, we walked to the taxi rank together and I gave the taxi driver my address, I woke up in the morning to find this guy sexually assaulting me. I kept it from my ex because I was ashamed and embarrassed, I refused to believe it had happened and kept it somewhere, from then on I would flinch whenever he would try and touch me, i was scared of having sex and rarely enjoyed it. Earlier this year I confessed about what had happened, he wasn't angry at me but angry at this guy, but our relationship was never the same not quite. Since confessing what had happened was getting me down and i thought of it every day, I couldn't really discuss it with him because he was busy being so angry at this person. Fast forward to April, this guy who is in my gym class, began talking to me in the academic sense, meaning only on campus when he saw me not like texting..., and he was really nice and refreshing and quite naive. Nothing sinister I just liked him as a friend. I did however at first omit telling him I had a boyfriend, because I liked him as a friend and sometimes slipping that in there is awkward, when I asked him to read my essay he fraped my facebook my ex had sent me a 'love message' and he replied something stupid like 'ok cool'. I told my ex this wasn't me at the time he was on holiday with one other person and he spent the rest of the 5 days ignoring me. I was really worried he was hurt or cheating. he flew back into England didn't contact me. He drove 3 hours home again didn't contact me. We weren't getting on well and now this so I broke up with him. Then I started hanging out with the other guy, and we became a 'thing' pretty quickly, after I broke up with my ex who sent me horrible abusive messages everyday as well as ones begging for me back, he tried to kill himself and wrote a note trying to make me realise how much 'gym guy' has screwed us up. 'Gym guy' is really lovely, and i do adore him, a few days ago he told me he loved me, and i said that he didn't really know what it meant. I still love my ex so much, but the other week he had sex with someone else and said he felt like himself again. I never imagined I'd be without him, I really thought we'd have a future together and I can't seem to let that go. Even though it has been 2 months I cant get him out of my head. He says he can't forget what I have done. Opinions/ advice please Do I try to start again with this new guy? Or to try work things out with my ex? | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
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