| Just thought I would introduce myself. Separated for almost 6 months, married 6yrs and together 8yrs, 1 infant child that was 6 months at time of separation. We had a fairly trusting marriage, were nonchalant and much like best friends that had great inside jokes. Overall, we got along really well and were really good together. I gave him all the space he needed and expected the same; I had no reason to not trust him. His attitude changed when our son was born. At first, he was excited. But, the glory of parenthood wore off when the realization that infants take an extraordinary amount of time and energy. My world once revolved around his day now revolved around our son. In August, he casually went out with an acquaintance to a concert. I was supposed to go, but the sitter called off that night. This was the night that changed our lives. :( I didn't know this at the time, but she is a diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder that was informed by her BF their relationship of 15yrs was over and she needed to find a new place to live. She needed a new man to attach to, and my husband was ripe for her picking. The night of the concert, she kept him out all night with stories of abuse, forced drugs, forced sex slavery, suicide attempts, mental instability, alcohol and drug abuse, and all kind of other damsel in distress claims. Her accusations were against her BF who was also my husband's coworker. My husband being who he is, immediately took on the "I have to save her!" attitude. For the next 6 weeks, he lived, breathed and existed for her - never mind his wife struggling with full time job, household and infant care, plus time with his son. He talked to her via cell phone or text message literally all day (while at work) and all night (after I was in bed) for weeks. He occasionally reported back to me how he was "helping" her. A few weeks into this, he approaches me stating she was leaving her BF and he offered her our spare bedroom. I flat out told him absolutely not, I didn't want to be involved and I needed him to refocusing on the FAMILY. His exact words were: If you are such a heartless b**ch to leave her in such a dangerous environment, maybe I don't want to be with you anyway! I should have kicked him out right then and there. I didn't. I thought I needed to appease him for the sake of our marriage. She moved in. As anyone can guess, it went downhill very quickly. I confronted them both for the time they spent together, they both assured me it was going to end. But, she already got her hooks in and was reeling him in. If he and I had a private conversation, she reacted with a suicide attempt. Yes, in my house. I was then labeled the B**ch for causing her mental instability. My husband took her side on everything. He wouldn't stay away from her, kick her out or stop being involved. There was information that came back suggesting they were screwing while I was at work. I gave him the final ultimatum - either all contact with her ends, or he leaves with her. And, he left. I packed up and moved back home 600+ miles away to be with family so I had real help with our son. He has an apartment with her in my former city. He has no intentions to leave her. He hasn't seen his kid in almost 6 months; he has even cancelled trips to visit his kid because he didn't like the rules of visitation I was enforcing (I have a court order to keep her away from our son - he wants her to have contact with our son because she "feels good" when she is around him). To this day, he claims they are "just friends" and he never cheated, had an affair or is currently in a relationship with her. To this day, he blames me for the demise of our marriage - I did something back in 2007 that he just can't forgive me for (but, we bought a house together, had a kid together, and acted like a married couple until 2012?? :confused:). To this day, he is attacking my moral behavior. Such as this week - he is planning to tell court that I "raped him" right before I left my previous city, so I need anger management and am unfit to parent. To this day, he is throwing out shock statements such as "I will never be with you again!!" :scratchhead: (as if that were a question? I have no intention of rekindling our marriage, sorry Charlie). As the time goes on with him living with mentally unstable, he has gotten more and more mentally unstable. I just can't wrap my head around this at all. I am so disgusted with him that it makes me sick. His lack of desire to be in his kid's life, lack of ability to take responsibility for his actions, and lack of ability to stop denying the truth. I am also disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen. I have not been able to forgive myself yet. Our son is an incredible joy, he lights up my day every day. | |||
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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
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