Codependence, enabling and staying

So I just had another heart wrenching discussion with my ex husband. If you arent familiar with my ridiculous drama: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...ty-issues.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...-love-him.html (just an aside, yes, I AM aware of my own codependence in this fvcked up situation, and of my own need to detach) He and I have differing views about dealing with the addict/PD. Tonight he said this, direct quote: "I do believe that no matter who it is that may have problems you should never leave their side or think they cant change. Yes they make bad choices and hurt themselves, family, friends, etc...but that doesnt mean you give up on them." Him saying this says to me, that it doesnt matter how much pain the family is going to go through, that its okay for the addict to inflict pain and suffering to everyone else around them. :scratchhead: That because they have a problem, you try to point them in the right direction and if they dont listen, you just keep letting them abuse you, your kids, your siblings... My view is that you can only do so much for so long, and there comes a time where you have to remove the addict or personality disordered person from your life. There comes a point where self preservation has to prevail, and you must stop enabling. Addicts usually need to hit rock bottom before they come to their own realization that they need to seek help. People with PD's, especially BPD'rs from what I have been reading, follow a different pattern, and will continue abusing those who love them on down the line, unless they are serious about getting therapy for themselves, and staying means ongoing abuse. He is making me feel like a terrible person for my view. :( From what I am remembering about Al-Anon, they encourage detaching, and setting boundaries, and stopping the enabling. I am not recalling sacrifice of self and family as part of their guidelines. Am I wrong? I really didnt appreciate it being implied by him that I am somehow lacking in core values because I dont believe in enabling someone forever. I am looking for some other views from folks who have been through this, I am interested to hear other opinions and insights. My niece's ex bf (and baby daddy) is a crack addict, who makes treks into the bowels of East St Louis, and trades his vehicles to hole up in a crack house for days at at time getting high. His parents constantly bail him out of jail, get his cars out of impound or buy him other cars, give him money, pay for his lawyer, etc, etc. He has been living this way for at least the last 7-8 years. Why would he stop, when his folks clean up his mess and save his ass every time? Where is his motivation to get clean? He has no consequences for his actions.

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