We persevered through the tough times

My wife is the love of my life. She's the most beautiful person I have ever met. This June will make 32 years and if you'd have known us during the first 10 years you'd probably be amazed at that. We used to fight so much it seemed we couldn't even have a conversation without it turning into an argument. During that time we saw 3 different marriage counselors. The last one recommended we get a divorce, so we quit going to marriage counselors. It finally got so bad I looked into getting a legal separation. That's not too much different than a divorce so I said no thanks. I did do my own separation though. I took a sales job that took me on the road for the next 6 months. So how did we make it? We finally reached the point where we stopped trying to change each other. That meant we had to give each other space and just accept there were things about each of us that would probably never change. So we each quit expecting the other to conform to our wishes about everything. Then we learned how to communicate. Once you both realize you're committed to the marriage and you want to work out ways to understand and get along with each other, you're suddenly able to allow the real person to emerge. That's such a freeing experience. We also had to learn how to compromise with each other. Somethings have got to be the way you want and need them. But you'd be amazed how much you're able to let go of for the sake of each others sanity. For example ... my wife loves to get together with our friends and play board games, which I detest. It used to drive her crazy that I didn't want to, that I was no fun, etc., etc. She finally dropped it and goes and has her fun with our friends and I stay home and enjoy a good football game (or evening at the computer, or whatever). We let each other have our space. But you know what? The things that attracted us to each other still work. We see eye to eye on the big things. Like God, church, politics, choice of friends, etc., and they've been a major influence on our marriage and parenting. And we love to talk to each other about stuff that's going on in the world. I've always loved my wife - even when we were at our worst. We just didn't know how to resolve our conflicts. That's all I ever wanted was to be understood. She just wanted to feel connected and appreciated. Wow, I sure rambled didn't I? I hope someone is able to identify and that maybe it can be a help to someone still struggling and trying to figure it all out. So, to sum it all up? Commitment. Communication. and Compromise. Master those 3 and you've got it made.

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