Hello,
My wife and I have been together for 13 years, since she was 20 and I was 21. We have two children together and have had a good marriage up until about 6-10 months ago. Our marriage had bumps like all relationships do, but this this situation has an entirely different "feel".
About 1.5 years ago she took a job at the local restaurant/bar for extra money for us. It was to be 2-3 days per week max because we both wanted her around us to be a mother and wife for our young family. She is a good mom and the kids love her very much.
About 6 months ago she began to spend increasingly more and more time at the restaurant with new friends. I am happy that she has friends and I enjoy alone time as I am an introvert, so some of this is a positive thing. At this point she is gone 6 days/nights a week. When she is home she is either exhausted or half asleep until 12 every day which makes for a not so pleasant environment.
Typical week M-F: I wake up at 6, get the girls ready for school, take the oldest to school. Wake her at 8 when I go to work so she can watch the youngest before taking to daycare at 9. I am off and home at 5 and she works 5- ???
Weekend: I still get up at 6 for the girls and she sleeps in until 10 and then lays around until noon on saturday then goes to work at 5. Sunday is similar.
She says that she does not feel wanted at home and knows that she has pulled away. I told her that she is loved and wanted but we cannot show her if she is not present. We have been over this a half of dozen times in the last few months. She said she wants to be all in and wants everything to work. We agreed that she needs to be present for us to work on a relationship.....or to even have one. She makes an attempt but other "work duties" amazingly pop up almost every day even when she is not working.
She is making an attempt but it is very half ass. I am frustrated because we both know the problem and the solution but she seems to place the importance of that behind whatever work she is doing. Please note that her work is not a financial necessity for our family, this is by choice.
I am tired of pushing her to want to spend time together. I can't want it for her.
Here is my issue. I am happy with the rest of my life and my family. I do not want to see other women or be in another relationship. I am confused on how to proceed with things. My children deserve to see a healthy relationship, not a shell of one like what is currently transpiring, nor is it fair to me to continue to not be anywhere on the priority list.
I need to focus on myself and my children. I need to take control of my own happiness and not have it dictated to me, even partially. Should I be working on this path with my wife or is this a fork in the road where I need to make a decision?
My wife and I have been together for 13 years, since she was 20 and I was 21. We have two children together and have had a good marriage up until about 6-10 months ago. Our marriage had bumps like all relationships do, but this this situation has an entirely different "feel".
About 1.5 years ago she took a job at the local restaurant/bar for extra money for us. It was to be 2-3 days per week max because we both wanted her around us to be a mother and wife for our young family. She is a good mom and the kids love her very much.
About 6 months ago she began to spend increasingly more and more time at the restaurant with new friends. I am happy that she has friends and I enjoy alone time as I am an introvert, so some of this is a positive thing. At this point she is gone 6 days/nights a week. When she is home she is either exhausted or half asleep until 12 every day which makes for a not so pleasant environment.
Typical week M-F: I wake up at 6, get the girls ready for school, take the oldest to school. Wake her at 8 when I go to work so she can watch the youngest before taking to daycare at 9. I am off and home at 5 and she works 5- ???
Weekend: I still get up at 6 for the girls and she sleeps in until 10 and then lays around until noon on saturday then goes to work at 5. Sunday is similar.
She says that she does not feel wanted at home and knows that she has pulled away. I told her that she is loved and wanted but we cannot show her if she is not present. We have been over this a half of dozen times in the last few months. She said she wants to be all in and wants everything to work. We agreed that she needs to be present for us to work on a relationship.....or to even have one. She makes an attempt but other "work duties" amazingly pop up almost every day even when she is not working.
She is making an attempt but it is very half ass. I am frustrated because we both know the problem and the solution but she seems to place the importance of that behind whatever work she is doing. Please note that her work is not a financial necessity for our family, this is by choice.
I am tired of pushing her to want to spend time together. I can't want it for her.
Here is my issue. I am happy with the rest of my life and my family. I do not want to see other women or be in another relationship. I am confused on how to proceed with things. My children deserve to see a healthy relationship, not a shell of one like what is currently transpiring, nor is it fair to me to continue to not be anywhere on the priority list.
I need to focus on myself and my children. I need to take control of my own happiness and not have it dictated to me, even partially. Should I be working on this path with my wife or is this a fork in the road where I need to make a decision?
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