33 F, married, developed feelings for another woman and had a lot of trouble accepting it.
A one-time friend messaged my crush, using my facebook, to advise her about my feelings. I quickly blocked my crush on FB and deactivated my profile and now know that even though she would be able to view the message, she would not be able to see who it was from. It would only say "facebook user" and not my name.
Oddly enough, a few days after that happened, I felt very free and happy. It felt like I was getting over the issues that had been plaguing me.
I even talked to my husband about everything I was going through. Even though I didn't agree with what this woman did, it did feel like she set me free.
Then, a few days ago (after creating a new facebook), I saw an e-mail on my phone that said my crush had liked one of my photos (I had unblocked her when I felt like I was getting over it).
It must have been accidentally, because she quickly unliked the photo and there were no alerts on my facebook, only the evidence via e-mail.
Ever since, I'm back to where I started. What once had felt like closure, now feels like I'm going through it all over again. My crush has not reached out to me, although she pops under the PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW section, suggesting she's viewed my profile more than a few times. She also pops up as a potential friend on my husband's facebook.
I feel like I'm being rejected by her, although indirectly. She obviously knew it was coming from me, somehow, even though the message no longer had my name on it.
Is it because I feel like I'm being rejected, that this is hurting and I'm kind of stagnant?
During my marriage, I've had to deal with crushes on men, no big deal. Easy as pie. I've never had as much trouble accepting anything like I've had with this and I have a counseling session arranged for next week because, obviously, the same-sex part continues to bother me.
When I was growing up, if I had a female friend that I was too close to, my parents would lecture me about confiding in anyone, and not to be weak and my problems are just fodder for someone else to turn into gossip. That and they were homophobic.
A one-time friend messaged my crush, using my facebook, to advise her about my feelings. I quickly blocked my crush on FB and deactivated my profile and now know that even though she would be able to view the message, she would not be able to see who it was from. It would only say "facebook user" and not my name.
Oddly enough, a few days after that happened, I felt very free and happy. It felt like I was getting over the issues that had been plaguing me.
I even talked to my husband about everything I was going through. Even though I didn't agree with what this woman did, it did feel like she set me free.
Then, a few days ago (after creating a new facebook), I saw an e-mail on my phone that said my crush had liked one of my photos (I had unblocked her when I felt like I was getting over it).
It must have been accidentally, because she quickly unliked the photo and there were no alerts on my facebook, only the evidence via e-mail.
Ever since, I'm back to where I started. What once had felt like closure, now feels like I'm going through it all over again. My crush has not reached out to me, although she pops under the PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW section, suggesting she's viewed my profile more than a few times. She also pops up as a potential friend on my husband's facebook.
I feel like I'm being rejected by her, although indirectly. She obviously knew it was coming from me, somehow, even though the message no longer had my name on it.
Is it because I feel like I'm being rejected, that this is hurting and I'm kind of stagnant?
During my marriage, I've had to deal with crushes on men, no big deal. Easy as pie. I've never had as much trouble accepting anything like I've had with this and I have a counseling session arranged for next week because, obviously, the same-sex part continues to bother me.
When I was growing up, if I had a female friend that I was too close to, my parents would lecture me about confiding in anyone, and not to be weak and my problems are just fodder for someone else to turn into gossip. That and they were homophobic.
Put the internet to work for you.
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