This evening, I say down to talk to my wife. I told her how I have not gotten on her Mac Book laptop or her iPad for some weeks. There had been a few times when I was tempted but I did not. I told her the reason I snooped in the past was I wanted to know what she was thinking and feeling. She is not telling me what she is feeling or thinking. She is keeping it to herself. I feel like we are being pulled apart by her not opening up and sharing with me. I also said there is no way to prove I am not snooping and that, with my history of snooping, I can understand her hesitancy to trust me on not snooping. She said that sometimes it is ugly and I said that was okay, still want to hear it. She brought up that I make mountains out of mole hills - and YES, in the past I would have made more out of it that was really there (due to my anxiety) but now I am working on it and the meds help greatly. She is my best friend and I really want to know what she is thinking and feeling. That is the only way I can become a better man and husband by knowing what areas I need to work on. She said that today she saw on her new Mac Book external hard-drive that it had been shared with -hp. I swear by all that is Holy, I have not touched her external hard-drive. But, she showed me where it clearly shows it was shared with -hp. She said she has not connected the external hard-drive to any other of the computers in the house and our daughter also denies having touched the new hard-drive. There is no way I can prove I did not and my wife has every reason to not believe me because of my past snooping. Please pray that she will forgive me and please also pray that we can figure out why and how this happened. The Devil is working overtime to destroy our marriage it seems. I cannot blame her for not trusting me on this as I have shown myself to snoop. And I have no way to prove I have changed. I am sure she is thinking (I am trying not project, but in this case I think it is reasonable) she can't trust me. I am at a loss as to what to do. It cannot be explained that I was drunk and just don't remember as it as the external hard-drive arrived after the last time I had a drink. The more I think about it, several other possibilities come to mind 1) my wife did plug in her hard-drive into one of two computers that have my name as administrator on the computer – and that she just forgot; 2) our daughter did it, and forgot or is lying 3) wife is testing me and looking for body language clues – at the direction of her counselor (a whole other story for another time); 4) maybe my wife is gas-lighting me; 5) my wife is setting the stage for exit by documenting and showing broken trust; 6) Some kind of behind the scenes sharing via our wireless router. I am at a loss how to regain my wife's trust and I am in the dark when it comes to knowing what my wife is feeling and thinking. Any words of advice?
Put the internet to work for you.
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