Yesterday was Mothers Day, 2015. The day started out ok. My daughters had made me breakfast and my husband helped. The kids gave me a card and a gift, which was nice. After breakfast my husband washed the dishes, but then he was gone. Not only was he gone, but everyone was. I was staring at the clock at 9am, sitting at the kitchen table, completely alone. On Mothers Day. The house was quiet…except for the girls yelling back and forth to each other about different minecraft commands. My 14 year old son retreated to his bedroom like always, playing video games online with his friends. My husband was in our bedroom watching movies, playing video games, whatever. And I was sitting alone…on Mothers Day. at 9am. Finally the girls came out of their rooms and for the next several hours we jumped on the trampoline, played littlest pet shop, I did some laundry, fed the dogs, did poop scoop, gave one of the dogs a bath, swept the porch, jumped on the trampoline some more, made them lunch, snacks, etc. All this while my husband sat in bed. This continued until the evening, and at 5:30, when my youngest wanted to go to her cousins house to play, my husband came out of our room, still in his pajamas, video game controller in hand, to complain that we were supposed to go out to eat on mothers day. Really? When he has been hiding in his room for the last 8 hours he comes out like that and expects me to feel like I want to go out to eat? I made sandwiches for the kids instead, and did the dishes that had collected during the day. I couldn't help but cry while I was staring out the window washing dishes. I was so hurt. I am so hurt. He didn't care enough to just make the day decent. He doesn't have to like me, but now I know he hates me. Everything we had done to try to "fix" this failing marriage just went down the drain. You just don't do things like that to people. I know he thinks I do nothing, he always reminds me of that. He tells me how he has paid for all of my stuff and if it weren't for him I would have had to work. He reminds me that if I was working, I wouldn't be a good mom like I am now. This feels like ****. I have given up so much to stay at home. I know he works hard, too, and I appreciate that. I feel like the last 14 years of my life have been one potty break after another, cleaning up spills and dog messes, making snacks, laundry, bills, sports practices, helping out at schools, planning birthday parties, playdates, working on the lawn, cleaning the pool at our old house, helping with homework, grocery shopping, fixing meals, cleaning up meals, vacuuming the house, folding clothes, looking for socks… looking for clothes in general, settling arguments between kids, dealing with drama that happens at school, trying (and failing) to manage money with any sort of budget system, and the list could go on and on forever. I'm not perfect but I feel like I'm a good mom and I work hard every day to be a better mom. All this and I spent mothers day alone or with the kids, while my husband watched movies and played video games for 12 hours. It may have been 11 1/2. He came out of his room sometime during the day and jumped on the trampoline for 20 minutes, then at 8pm to make himself a sandwich. I have a pit in my stomach, just a sad empty feeling. There isn't a way I can even describe it. Anytime I think of the fact that after all this, after everything I do, he doesn't appreciate me at all and he never will. Happy mothers day I guess. :(
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