Hey,
Backstory: Married 10 years and have a 4d, 2s.
Arranged marriage and a very stormy one at that. We did make out a little bit when we got married in 2004 but actual sex happened in 2006 after her gynecologist cut her hymen.
I don't think the problem was my penis but rather ME. The problem is I am NOT a rapist. So when she would stay STOP it hurts....I did. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
No there as reason for lack of lubrication. There was no Vaginismus. It was just her being who she is. An entitled princess.
Last year things blew up big between us. She said something quite hurtful. I for the first time in my life slapped her. Slapped her a couple of times infact. But considering that I am way stronger than her and the fact that I did not leave even a mark on her, somewhere deep down I believe that even in my worst...I still retained enough restraint.
Its not that I did nothing after this very life changing episode for me.
We both went to Individual therapy. She refused couples therapy.
My therapist said that it was a huge load of resentment that overflew. She advised me to get change the equation. i went thru 3 very distinct emotions during the course of my therapy. I first blamed my wife. Then I blamed myself for putting up with this. Finally I came to a realization that in Life, things happen. Rather than delve in the past on so many "What If's" its better to take each day as it comes and look for happiness within. This was quite easy once I understood it. I have always been a very happy guy. Even when life beats me down, I usually can smile because of the many things that I have been lucky with.
I spoke with my wife's therapist as well. He told me that there is just one problem with my wife. She thinks she is entitled to everything. That she is so into her own importance there is no way we will ever get her to change.
The reason I am with her is my kids.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As things kept moving on my wife decided to my surprise to start taking an initiative to make things better. From an almost empty sex life, it slowly progressed to a sex once every 2-3 months. I would never refuse but one incident blew it for me and made me realize just how sorry a state I was in.
Our sex is like a scripted order.
I kiss her. Have to then rub her back. Kiss her neck. Rub my penis on her crotch in a particular manner while she is still wearing something. She cums.
Start intercourse.
We cum.
There is just one problem. I have to wear a condom. I have NO problems with this but as a circumcised man who is healthy, I cannot orgasm in the 2-3 mins of actual sex. Its always missionary btw.
So in Sept last year which is also the last time we had sex, she got very angry and screamed at me saying and I am not lying. "What is wrong with you. Can't you cum. I have already cum 5 times and have to continue."
I cannot ever forget that. One side, I was getting this compliment and on the other hand I was so insulted at the same time. I did not orgasm that night. Its so painful to remember even now that as I type this my throat is paining and I am having difficulty focusing on the screen.
Anyways.
In November, my wife and kids went on a Holiday. They were gone for more than a month while I stayed home. It was my decision. The vacation was at her sisters place in a different country and I completely enjoyed my time alone.
I traveled and spent time pursuing some other hobbies.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now that my wife is back she asked me for a back rub. I refused. I did a simple calculation and this is my way of looking at things.
Things will NOT improve.
We might continue having sex 3 times a year for maybe another 10 years.
30 orgasms is not worth the pain of putting up with this attitude.
Took me 10 years to get here.
I am not OK with this anymore.
If being sexless is what is gonna happen, I am doing it on my own terms.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Over the past few months she has caught up with quite a few of her old friends on WhatsApp.
Some of them give her good advice.
She has slowly started understanding that a husband who works fulltime and still does a lot of stuff around the home is worth caring for.
She knows now getting an Orgasm for a woman in everytime is a great gift.
But then again my wife is without any doubt very very beautiful. So she does have some girlfriends who tell her that her husband(me) should just be happy that I get to be with her and hence I am being ungrateful.
When she told me this, I started laughing in her face.
Because as crazy as it sounds, I told her beauty means nothing to me.
She is not my possession that I expect others to feel jealous of me when I am with her. Their envy means nothing to me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About us. I am 36, she is 34.
As mentioned, my wife is incredibly beautiful. Having had two kids she has gone a bit soft in parts and added some weight. But overall she does have a fine sense of fashion and carries herself really well.
Her friends mostly girls praise her beauty to no end.
I am an average guy. No one is ever going to make me into a great looker. I think my wife kind of resents that I have a balding patch that is winning every day. The one thing that I do have is physical strength. I am strong and people who see me, know it.
I have always dressed myself in what I consider comfortable.
In fact the last time we had a friendly argument my wife was sure that there are at least a couple of women in my apartment complex who would gladly sleep with me. Just because of the way I am.
I would NEVER cheat on my wife. Not because I am married. But because I strongly despise it.
Thanks for reading. I just wanted to rant. Would like any advice on me. I am not looking to improve my sex life. I don't think that there will be any change in it.
I found that hope ................that is the most painful of emotions. So I kill it when it starts to stand up.
Backstory: Married 10 years and have a 4d, 2s.
Arranged marriage and a very stormy one at that. We did make out a little bit when we got married in 2004 but actual sex happened in 2006 after her gynecologist cut her hymen.
I don't think the problem was my penis but rather ME. The problem is I am NOT a rapist. So when she would stay STOP it hurts....I did. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
No there as reason for lack of lubrication. There was no Vaginismus. It was just her being who she is. An entitled princess.
Last year things blew up big between us. She said something quite hurtful. I for the first time in my life slapped her. Slapped her a couple of times infact. But considering that I am way stronger than her and the fact that I did not leave even a mark on her, somewhere deep down I believe that even in my worst...I still retained enough restraint.
Its not that I did nothing after this very life changing episode for me.
We both went to Individual therapy. She refused couples therapy.
My therapist said that it was a huge load of resentment that overflew. She advised me to get change the equation. i went thru 3 very distinct emotions during the course of my therapy. I first blamed my wife. Then I blamed myself for putting up with this. Finally I came to a realization that in Life, things happen. Rather than delve in the past on so many "What If's" its better to take each day as it comes and look for happiness within. This was quite easy once I understood it. I have always been a very happy guy. Even when life beats me down, I usually can smile because of the many things that I have been lucky with.
I spoke with my wife's therapist as well. He told me that there is just one problem with my wife. She thinks she is entitled to everything. That she is so into her own importance there is no way we will ever get her to change.
The reason I am with her is my kids.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As things kept moving on my wife decided to my surprise to start taking an initiative to make things better. From an almost empty sex life, it slowly progressed to a sex once every 2-3 months. I would never refuse but one incident blew it for me and made me realize just how sorry a state I was in.
Our sex is like a scripted order.
I kiss her. Have to then rub her back. Kiss her neck. Rub my penis on her crotch in a particular manner while she is still wearing something. She cums.
Start intercourse.
We cum.
There is just one problem. I have to wear a condom. I have NO problems with this but as a circumcised man who is healthy, I cannot orgasm in the 2-3 mins of actual sex. Its always missionary btw.
So in Sept last year which is also the last time we had sex, she got very angry and screamed at me saying and I am not lying. "What is wrong with you. Can't you cum. I have already cum 5 times and have to continue."
I cannot ever forget that. One side, I was getting this compliment and on the other hand I was so insulted at the same time. I did not orgasm that night. Its so painful to remember even now that as I type this my throat is paining and I am having difficulty focusing on the screen.
Anyways.
In November, my wife and kids went on a Holiday. They were gone for more than a month while I stayed home. It was my decision. The vacation was at her sisters place in a different country and I completely enjoyed my time alone.
I traveled and spent time pursuing some other hobbies.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now that my wife is back she asked me for a back rub. I refused. I did a simple calculation and this is my way of looking at things.
Things will NOT improve.
We might continue having sex 3 times a year for maybe another 10 years.
30 orgasms is not worth the pain of putting up with this attitude.
Took me 10 years to get here.
I am not OK with this anymore.
If being sexless is what is gonna happen, I am doing it on my own terms.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Over the past few months she has caught up with quite a few of her old friends on WhatsApp.
Some of them give her good advice.
She has slowly started understanding that a husband who works fulltime and still does a lot of stuff around the home is worth caring for.
She knows now getting an Orgasm for a woman in everytime is a great gift.
But then again my wife is without any doubt very very beautiful. So she does have some girlfriends who tell her that her husband(me) should just be happy that I get to be with her and hence I am being ungrateful.
When she told me this, I started laughing in her face.
Because as crazy as it sounds, I told her beauty means nothing to me.
She is not my possession that I expect others to feel jealous of me when I am with her. Their envy means nothing to me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About us. I am 36, she is 34.
As mentioned, my wife is incredibly beautiful. Having had two kids she has gone a bit soft in parts and added some weight. But overall she does have a fine sense of fashion and carries herself really well.
Her friends mostly girls praise her beauty to no end.
I am an average guy. No one is ever going to make me into a great looker. I think my wife kind of resents that I have a balding patch that is winning every day. The one thing that I do have is physical strength. I am strong and people who see me, know it.
I have always dressed myself in what I consider comfortable.
In fact the last time we had a friendly argument my wife was sure that there are at least a couple of women in my apartment complex who would gladly sleep with me. Just because of the way I am.
I would NEVER cheat on my wife. Not because I am married. But because I strongly despise it.
Thanks for reading. I just wanted to rant. Would like any advice on me. I am not looking to improve my sex life. I don't think that there will be any change in it.
I found that hope ................that is the most painful of emotions. So I kill it when it starts to stand up.
Put the internet to work for you.
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