Hello, may I get advice on my situation. I am trying to weight both sides of the issue, and being as analytical as I can; but I'm still so conflict inside. I don't know if I am being unreasonable to him; and apologize for the long post.
Me and my boyfriend are in a committed relationship, I am 30 and he is 29. Overall he is a loving and caring boyfriend. The relationship is it full of fidelity on both physical, and emotional level. There is no third party between us.
He have a full time job, he works alot. He have No criminal records, No DUI (No driving under alcohol influence)
He pass all Drugs test in his past/present job. He doesn't even drink or smoke a cigarette, so he pretty much is a health freak.
Problem is last week my boyfriend's childhood friends; some them got arrested for Transporting/possession of: Cocaine, heroin and meth. I have valid reason to be worried since this is HARDCORE drugs here, Not the simple weeds stuff.
My BF was at work at the time, so I know he have nothing to do with his druggie friends get arrested.
For sure he was at work, because he always call me from work when he on break. And I can tell from the background sounds that he is at work, no doubt about this.
As usual after work, he drive back to spend time with me and eat. Then he got a phone call from another friend of his who let him know about his druggie childhood friends got arrested for posesssion/transporting Hardcord drugs.
I overheard the conversation so I got worried. And he was honest to me, he tell me exactly what happened about his friends. They got arrested and charges for Felony drugs crime. This is serious, because they going to be facing Jail time.
I know my BF does not do drugs because we see each others everyday; we eat and sleep in the same bed. And I know his body smell too well, if there any different smell or drugs smell on his body, I would notice immediately.
I also do his laundry, so I know there is no drugs on his clothes. I never smell drugs on his body, or see any drugs substances on his face, hands, or skin.
I got into a little argument with him regarding this incident. He assured me; tell me he is not dumb and asked me to trust him, and that he knows how to protect himself. At his age 29, he won't give into pressure of doing drugs.
He won't go into their car, he also won't let them go in his car. So there no chance of them snitch drugs in his car.
He will stay outside in the open to talk to them; obviously they can't bring drugs out to the open.
He won't let them go to his place. But if he over at their place to watch NFL Football; once he see them do drugs, he would leave.
He also said he was aware that his friends do hardcore drugs, but he were Not aware that they transporting it. He said his friends don't share their drugs activities with him.
They still hang around, because they are childhood friends/grow up together/know each others all their life; so his friends trust him for not selling them out just because he saw them do drugs.
I don't believe in changing a man. I accept him for who he is, and he have the rights to hang around with whatever 'types' of friends he wants.
We were friends prior to dating, so I was aware he have druggie friends. Therefore I set my boundaries clear with him, I told him promise me "No drugs". And he always been keeping his promise with me, he (himself) doesn't do drugs.
I trust him but it just the type of friends that he hang around with is just worrisome! If they ever get stopped, or raided by police he will be lumped in with them. Or he might get caught up in drug violence in the streets when his friends run into trouble with rivals.
He keep hanging around with them, one day he might find himself in a complicated legal situation like 'guilty by association'. He could still get arrested if he get busted together with them. Or getting caught in the middle of a shoot-out, just because he's at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I know men need their space, and I always give him alot of freedom and space so he can do his own things. That including set him free to hang out with his druggie childhood friends.
But after seeing some of them get arrested and throw in jail, I am in full worried mode. Now when ever he go hang out with them; I told him to text message me every few hours, so I can know that he is safe out there.
I know his friends is his friends, him is him. And I should not held him reliable for what his friends did; something he have no control over.
But I really want him to decrease hanging out iwth druggie childhood friends, but I feel that I am being very uneasonable if I ask him to do that.
The problem is: he is fully ware of them doing drugs, now knowing they transporting drugs too. Yet he acts like there is NOTHING wrong, and still choose to continue hang around with them.
Him thinking he is smart, and know now how to keep himself out of legal trouble. Perhaps if one day he got arrested, then he will finally see that hanging out with the wrong crowd can possibily be fatal.
What would you if you were in my situation, would you broke up? Would you ask him to decrease/stop hanging out with his druggie childhood friends?
I love him so I admit I cater him, and spoil him alot; I tends to let him have things his ways. But sometimes I wonder if I should be more assertive regarding to his druggie friends.
I'm just so internally conflict right now. I know it a risk that I have to take if I want to be with him, I'm just trying to swallow this.
Me and my boyfriend are in a committed relationship, I am 30 and he is 29. Overall he is a loving and caring boyfriend. The relationship is it full of fidelity on both physical, and emotional level. There is no third party between us.
He have a full time job, he works alot. He have No criminal records, No DUI (No driving under alcohol influence)
He pass all Drugs test in his past/present job. He doesn't even drink or smoke a cigarette, so he pretty much is a health freak.
Problem is last week my boyfriend's childhood friends; some them got arrested for Transporting/possession of: Cocaine, heroin and meth. I have valid reason to be worried since this is HARDCORE drugs here, Not the simple weeds stuff.
My BF was at work at the time, so I know he have nothing to do with his druggie friends get arrested.
For sure he was at work, because he always call me from work when he on break. And I can tell from the background sounds that he is at work, no doubt about this.
As usual after work, he drive back to spend time with me and eat. Then he got a phone call from another friend of his who let him know about his druggie childhood friends got arrested for posesssion/transporting Hardcord drugs.
I overheard the conversation so I got worried. And he was honest to me, he tell me exactly what happened about his friends. They got arrested and charges for Felony drugs crime. This is serious, because they going to be facing Jail time.
I know my BF does not do drugs because we see each others everyday; we eat and sleep in the same bed. And I know his body smell too well, if there any different smell or drugs smell on his body, I would notice immediately.
I also do his laundry, so I know there is no drugs on his clothes. I never smell drugs on his body, or see any drugs substances on his face, hands, or skin.
I got into a little argument with him regarding this incident. He assured me; tell me he is not dumb and asked me to trust him, and that he knows how to protect himself. At his age 29, he won't give into pressure of doing drugs.
He won't go into their car, he also won't let them go in his car. So there no chance of them snitch drugs in his car.
He will stay outside in the open to talk to them; obviously they can't bring drugs out to the open.
He won't let them go to his place. But if he over at their place to watch NFL Football; once he see them do drugs, he would leave.
He also said he was aware that his friends do hardcore drugs, but he were Not aware that they transporting it. He said his friends don't share their drugs activities with him.
They still hang around, because they are childhood friends/grow up together/know each others all their life; so his friends trust him for not selling them out just because he saw them do drugs.
I don't believe in changing a man. I accept him for who he is, and he have the rights to hang around with whatever 'types' of friends he wants.
We were friends prior to dating, so I was aware he have druggie friends. Therefore I set my boundaries clear with him, I told him promise me "No drugs". And he always been keeping his promise with me, he (himself) doesn't do drugs.
I trust him but it just the type of friends that he hang around with is just worrisome! If they ever get stopped, or raided by police he will be lumped in with them. Or he might get caught up in drug violence in the streets when his friends run into trouble with rivals.
He keep hanging around with them, one day he might find himself in a complicated legal situation like 'guilty by association'. He could still get arrested if he get busted together with them. Or getting caught in the middle of a shoot-out, just because he's at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I know men need their space, and I always give him alot of freedom and space so he can do his own things. That including set him free to hang out with his druggie childhood friends.
But after seeing some of them get arrested and throw in jail, I am in full worried mode. Now when ever he go hang out with them; I told him to text message me every few hours, so I can know that he is safe out there.
I know his friends is his friends, him is him. And I should not held him reliable for what his friends did; something he have no control over.
But I really want him to decrease hanging out iwth druggie childhood friends, but I feel that I am being very uneasonable if I ask him to do that.
The problem is: he is fully ware of them doing drugs, now knowing they transporting drugs too. Yet he acts like there is NOTHING wrong, and still choose to continue hang around with them.
Him thinking he is smart, and know now how to keep himself out of legal trouble. Perhaps if one day he got arrested, then he will finally see that hanging out with the wrong crowd can possibily be fatal.
What would you if you were in my situation, would you broke up? Would you ask him to decrease/stop hanging out with his druggie childhood friends?
I love him so I admit I cater him, and spoil him alot; I tends to let him have things his ways. But sometimes I wonder if I should be more assertive regarding to his druggie friends.
I'm just so internally conflict right now. I know it a risk that I have to take if I want to be with him, I'm just trying to swallow this.
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