Hi,
I've been married for 6 years now. It's me, my wife, her biological son (he's my son through and through - we have a great relationship) and our dog who I had to unfortunately bury a couple days ago :(
We have a nice house, both have good jobs and generally have it comfy from that point of view. Our relationship unfortunately is...I'm having a hard time. Her problems with our marriage are probably as a result of my unhappiness.
3 years ago we uttered the word divorce. I was unhappy, I tried to talk to her several times, but she didn't listen/hear me so I eventually became angry and would regularly snap at her. It got to the point where we had enough.
I talked her into counseling to try and fix things. We went to couples counseling and both to our individual counselors. It didn't work well and I asked to stop it after some time. I felt he would favor her way too much and I was always the bad guy.
We decided to try it on our own and have had mixed results.
We fight regularly, probably once at least every 1-2 weeks. Sometimes we make up right away and sometimes we take the entire day or more.
And, truthfully I'm ok with 'fighting' as long as it's civil and resolvable. It should help a couple grow. The problem is she's not civil and she never seems to want to be reasonable or understanding.
She tells me to F off, she says get out, she says I want a divorce, she says worse. After a while she says she doesn't mean it and I realize it's due to her inability to handle any type of confrontation. This is her way of pushing me away, but man, it's tiring and IMO, immature.
Sometimes she tries to make things work, but not in the ways that matter.
- I'm in the only one still going to counseling regularly. That makes me feel she doesn't feel she can improve herself or that it's my fault.
- It's so hard for her to say she's sorry. Again like it's my fault.
- She's gained so much weight and doesn't take losing it seriously. Again doesn't want to improve herself.
- She doesn't even pause 1 second before she jumps at me for anything. It's so tiring. No matter what I say I'm saying something wrong.
- I could go on, but...
I do love my wife. I know she loves me. However, it's getting old. I feel I've changed for the better. I've become more understanding and patient. To be fair she has 'some' but it's not enough to stop me from feeling hurt that she doesn't take as much care with our marriage as she should.
I don't know if I should keep trying to fix it or if I should just give up. I'm in my early 40s. Maybe I still have time to meet someone else, have kids and start a new family.
Generally, with the same exceptions as everyone, I'm a nice guy and I'm tired of being treated this way. The move to leave is such a hard choice to make. I worry it's a mistake.
I've been married for 6 years now. It's me, my wife, her biological son (he's my son through and through - we have a great relationship) and our dog who I had to unfortunately bury a couple days ago :(
We have a nice house, both have good jobs and generally have it comfy from that point of view. Our relationship unfortunately is...I'm having a hard time. Her problems with our marriage are probably as a result of my unhappiness.
3 years ago we uttered the word divorce. I was unhappy, I tried to talk to her several times, but she didn't listen/hear me so I eventually became angry and would regularly snap at her. It got to the point where we had enough.
I talked her into counseling to try and fix things. We went to couples counseling and both to our individual counselors. It didn't work well and I asked to stop it after some time. I felt he would favor her way too much and I was always the bad guy.
We decided to try it on our own and have had mixed results.
We fight regularly, probably once at least every 1-2 weeks. Sometimes we make up right away and sometimes we take the entire day or more.
And, truthfully I'm ok with 'fighting' as long as it's civil and resolvable. It should help a couple grow. The problem is she's not civil and she never seems to want to be reasonable or understanding.
She tells me to F off, she says get out, she says I want a divorce, she says worse. After a while she says she doesn't mean it and I realize it's due to her inability to handle any type of confrontation. This is her way of pushing me away, but man, it's tiring and IMO, immature.
Sometimes she tries to make things work, but not in the ways that matter.
- I'm in the only one still going to counseling regularly. That makes me feel she doesn't feel she can improve herself or that it's my fault.
- It's so hard for her to say she's sorry. Again like it's my fault.
- She's gained so much weight and doesn't take losing it seriously. Again doesn't want to improve herself.
- She doesn't even pause 1 second before she jumps at me for anything. It's so tiring. No matter what I say I'm saying something wrong.
- I could go on, but...
I do love my wife. I know she loves me. However, it's getting old. I feel I've changed for the better. I've become more understanding and patient. To be fair she has 'some' but it's not enough to stop me from feeling hurt that she doesn't take as much care with our marriage as she should.
I don't know if I should keep trying to fix it or if I should just give up. I'm in my early 40s. Maybe I still have time to meet someone else, have kids and start a new family.
Generally, with the same exceptions as everyone, I'm a nice guy and I'm tired of being treated this way. The move to leave is such a hard choice to make. I worry it's a mistake.
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