Long story short. I grew up in a very strict religious household. My mom had me at 16, and married my Dad to escape a bad home life, and because she was pregnant with me, I know she married out of guilt. Growing up, I never saw them exchange any affection. Sex was never talked about because it was considered "taboo" a dirty subject. So from an early age, I was already feeling guilty for have sexual feelings and for being a female. My dad was physically and mentally abusive too. Dating wasn't really encouraged. So when I dated my first boyfriend finally at the age of 18, and he started to get a bit abusive, I ended the relationship at three months. At least I was smart enough to recognize that abuse. When it came to dating, I realized too that I was extremely shy, so that made me unapproachable.
So when my now be husband showed nerve to approach me, and showed romantic interest in me, I found it flattering, and we began courting. After 6-months of dating I lost my virginity to him. Despite never feeling attracted to him, I gave in out of fear that if I didn't give him what he wanted sexually he might leave. He treated me really well, and he had an incredible sex drive. Normal at his age, I know. Yet...I felt nothing but friendship for him. Due to my lack of dating and knowledge of love and sex, I never questioned this lack of feeling. We were good friends, and so after four years of dating, we finally married. He provided security, and I knew he loved me. But I still felt like I was marrying my brother. I didn't question the lack of attraction I felt for him. I thought, perhaps this is normal, perhaps this is what love is. And Perhaps those feelings will grow more intimate the longer we are together. He treated me very well, and so I thought I'd be an idiot to let h im go.
Almost 20 years later....
I'm still not attracted, I hate having sex, we haven't slept together for over 7 years because he snores like a freight train, and has bad flatulence both day and night. And his smoking is rotting his teeth. I can't stand to kiss him anymore. Take the kissing out, and the bond of sleeping together at night, what bond was once there, despite not being physically attracted to him....it's completely gone.
I finally told him a week ago, I love him, but can't be who he wants me to be. He has left. In my heart I feel great pain because I know what my words have done to him. But I felt so dead on the inside. Despite having kids and wanting to work this out, I'm tired of putting on the charade that everything is fine. I want a friend...a lover. He has never tried anything to fix his snoring, flatulence, his rotting teeth...his smoking. That tells me he doesn't have respect for himself. At 36, I have done everything under the sun to maintain physical health, and a nice smile because we cannot afford a dentist. Spiritually, physically, mentally, we have nothing in common anymore. I want us to leave as friends so that we can focus on our children and move on.
Anybody here with advice. He has already packed his bags and left. I have not filed for divorce yet. However; this past week, I've had the best sleep ever. What does that mean?
So when my now be husband showed nerve to approach me, and showed romantic interest in me, I found it flattering, and we began courting. After 6-months of dating I lost my virginity to him. Despite never feeling attracted to him, I gave in out of fear that if I didn't give him what he wanted sexually he might leave. He treated me really well, and he had an incredible sex drive. Normal at his age, I know. Yet...I felt nothing but friendship for him. Due to my lack of dating and knowledge of love and sex, I never questioned this lack of feeling. We were good friends, and so after four years of dating, we finally married. He provided security, and I knew he loved me. But I still felt like I was marrying my brother. I didn't question the lack of attraction I felt for him. I thought, perhaps this is normal, perhaps this is what love is. And Perhaps those feelings will grow more intimate the longer we are together. He treated me very well, and so I thought I'd be an idiot to let h im go.
Almost 20 years later....
I'm still not attracted, I hate having sex, we haven't slept together for over 7 years because he snores like a freight train, and has bad flatulence both day and night. And his smoking is rotting his teeth. I can't stand to kiss him anymore. Take the kissing out, and the bond of sleeping together at night, what bond was once there, despite not being physically attracted to him....it's completely gone.
I finally told him a week ago, I love him, but can't be who he wants me to be. He has left. In my heart I feel great pain because I know what my words have done to him. But I felt so dead on the inside. Despite having kids and wanting to work this out, I'm tired of putting on the charade that everything is fine. I want a friend...a lover. He has never tried anything to fix his snoring, flatulence, his rotting teeth...his smoking. That tells me he doesn't have respect for himself. At 36, I have done everything under the sun to maintain physical health, and a nice smile because we cannot afford a dentist. Spiritually, physically, mentally, we have nothing in common anymore. I want us to leave as friends so that we can focus on our children and move on.
Anybody here with advice. He has already packed his bags and left. I have not filed for divorce yet. However; this past week, I've had the best sleep ever. What does that mean?
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