I am 49, married since 1989 and have two daughters, 14 and 20.
On 3-16-14, using a monitoring program, I confirmed my wife was having an internet affair with someone in England (we live in Iowa). Rather than be contrite, she became defensive of her actions and was upset that I was "spying" on her by installing the monitoring program on her computer (I spied on her because she was exhibiting signs of having an internet affair!). During the ensuing argument, it came to light that she had been having a Skype affair with this gentleman for over 8 months. But, she stated she had in fact decided she was going to leave me/divorce me many months earlier, prior to engaging in her internet affair. Rather than tell me those many months earlier she that had made the decision to leave me, she decided to stay in our home because she had no job and no means to financial means to move out. My wife did not tell me of her intentions because she was afraid I would kick her out (her own admission). Instead, she stayed in our home, was distant (so was I) and had an internet affair.
I also found out that she had been sending money and gifts to her "love interest" totaling almost $500…..money we do NOT have. In addition, I was told of her plans to go to England and meet this gentleman to see if "it works out" for her. So, in the meantime, while she continues to live in our home, I have to pretend everything is cool and live with the real reason she is going to England (She has told everyone else she is going on a personal vacation….."everyone" includes our kids) and gets enough money together from the job she just started to confess to our kids/family/friends and move out.
We have had several arguments since 3-16-14 regarding whether my wife should continue to Skype with this gentleman in our house leading up to the time she leaves for England (4-6-14). I have gone back and forth on whether she should or not but, bottom line, she has continued. My wife swore to me that they have only been" talking" and that they had not engaged in cybersex at any time during her affair. I didn't believe her.
Yesterday, I confronted her again about my suspicion she had been having cybersex. She again denied it.
This morning, she left work for her new job. I work from home. A short time after she left, she called me to say she had left her computer on and asked if I would shut it off without looking at any of the open windows. She said this was because there were things on the open screens that would upset or hurt me. I told her I would comply with her request but……I ended up looking at the screens. As it turns out, looking at her Skype screens, she was having a VERY sexual conversation with the English gentleman that culminated in her presenting her goods via streaming video. I called her on her way to work and confronted her about my discovery. Once again, she was defensive and stated I was spying. She also stated yesterday was the first time that (cybersex) had ever happened (which I don't believe). Like when discovered the affair, she was more interested in being mad a me for spying rather than being apologetic.
Look, I am no peach and I know full well that my marriage has been suffering. I know that I am just as much a part of the problem as she is. I have lied about blowing money in the past. I have lied about smoking when I know I shouldn't. I lose my temper easily and will shout/yell. I am immature. BUT, I have never had an affair and have (honestly) never considered it an option. My wife has always characterized herself as the example of honesty and integrity in our relationship.
Why am I posting this? I just need to hear what other people think of this situation. I am miserable need feedback.
On 3-16-14, using a monitoring program, I confirmed my wife was having an internet affair with someone in England (we live in Iowa). Rather than be contrite, she became defensive of her actions and was upset that I was "spying" on her by installing the monitoring program on her computer (I spied on her because she was exhibiting signs of having an internet affair!). During the ensuing argument, it came to light that she had been having a Skype affair with this gentleman for over 8 months. But, she stated she had in fact decided she was going to leave me/divorce me many months earlier, prior to engaging in her internet affair. Rather than tell me those many months earlier she that had made the decision to leave me, she decided to stay in our home because she had no job and no means to financial means to move out. My wife did not tell me of her intentions because she was afraid I would kick her out (her own admission). Instead, she stayed in our home, was distant (so was I) and had an internet affair.
I also found out that she had been sending money and gifts to her "love interest" totaling almost $500…..money we do NOT have. In addition, I was told of her plans to go to England and meet this gentleman to see if "it works out" for her. So, in the meantime, while she continues to live in our home, I have to pretend everything is cool and live with the real reason she is going to England (She has told everyone else she is going on a personal vacation….."everyone" includes our kids) and gets enough money together from the job she just started to confess to our kids/family/friends and move out.
We have had several arguments since 3-16-14 regarding whether my wife should continue to Skype with this gentleman in our house leading up to the time she leaves for England (4-6-14). I have gone back and forth on whether she should or not but, bottom line, she has continued. My wife swore to me that they have only been" talking" and that they had not engaged in cybersex at any time during her affair. I didn't believe her.
Yesterday, I confronted her again about my suspicion she had been having cybersex. She again denied it.
This morning, she left work for her new job. I work from home. A short time after she left, she called me to say she had left her computer on and asked if I would shut it off without looking at any of the open windows. She said this was because there were things on the open screens that would upset or hurt me. I told her I would comply with her request but……I ended up looking at the screens. As it turns out, looking at her Skype screens, she was having a VERY sexual conversation with the English gentleman that culminated in her presenting her goods via streaming video. I called her on her way to work and confronted her about my discovery. Once again, she was defensive and stated I was spying. She also stated yesterday was the first time that (cybersex) had ever happened (which I don't believe). Like when discovered the affair, she was more interested in being mad a me for spying rather than being apologetic.
Look, I am no peach and I know full well that my marriage has been suffering. I know that I am just as much a part of the problem as she is. I have lied about blowing money in the past. I have lied about smoking when I know I shouldn't. I lose my temper easily and will shout/yell. I am immature. BUT, I have never had an affair and have (honestly) never considered it an option. My wife has always characterized herself as the example of honesty and integrity in our relationship.
Why am I posting this? I just need to hear what other people think of this situation. I am miserable need feedback.
Put the internet to work for you.
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