1. Work on the relationship Sometimes something is bothering a woman. She is not happy with her life or her relationship either of which can prompt the off switch. (here women and men vary, and a physical issue is somewhat more likely with an LD man).
An unhappy woman is less likely to want sex and you need to address the underlying problems, at least showing your concern for her as an overall person.
2. Associate it with good things. Work on the romance. Go away for a weekend or on a cruise. They call it date night, not 10 minutes upstairs for a reason.
3. Be realistic For men, there will be a drop in frequency in the average marriage. A 20 year old girl with lots of free time, confidence in her body, and hormones racing will usually be more active. If Jane has three kids, gets up at 6:00 to get the kids dressed and make breakfast, works 6 hours, and then taken them to various activities, at 9:00, she may be tired. Twice a week is a realistic good case scenario.
For that reason, I don't recommend marriage for the average 21year old. As they say, sew your oats and dealing with some crazy people and a desire to raise a family, a man gets married in his late 20's or early 30's. You've gone on to more important things, and pleasure may be raising a good child or a family function.
4. Put in in context. Let's say you have done all that, and still little or nothing. Resist the temptation to approach the issue head-on. You'll get, I am sorry, it's my problem, I just haven't felt in the mood, it wouldn't help either of us to pretend, and I appreciate your patience. Now here's 2,000 worth of bills to pay and when you get finished I need you to clean the garage and pickup the girls from dance.
No you don't approach the issue headon. You find something important to her (as this is to you). Perhaps you don't go to a function for her mother creating a problem, or cancel a trip.
There will be anger and fighting and that is good. You want her to understand that she can't get the benefits of a marriage but not have a real marriage and have instead a brother sister cohabilitation arrangement. Sex is part of a package and part of the marriage. It's similar to a man having an affair, he can't say, by the way, my secretary and I do it twice a week but everything else should stay the same. Sex is a dealbreaker and one of the things that distinguishes a marriage from the other circumstances in which deal close friends or relatives of the opposite gender.
An unhappy woman is less likely to want sex and you need to address the underlying problems, at least showing your concern for her as an overall person.
2. Associate it with good things. Work on the romance. Go away for a weekend or on a cruise. They call it date night, not 10 minutes upstairs for a reason.
3. Be realistic For men, there will be a drop in frequency in the average marriage. A 20 year old girl with lots of free time, confidence in her body, and hormones racing will usually be more active. If Jane has three kids, gets up at 6:00 to get the kids dressed and make breakfast, works 6 hours, and then taken them to various activities, at 9:00, she may be tired. Twice a week is a realistic good case scenario.
For that reason, I don't recommend marriage for the average 21year old. As they say, sew your oats and dealing with some crazy people and a desire to raise a family, a man gets married in his late 20's or early 30's. You've gone on to more important things, and pleasure may be raising a good child or a family function.
4. Put in in context. Let's say you have done all that, and still little or nothing. Resist the temptation to approach the issue head-on. You'll get, I am sorry, it's my problem, I just haven't felt in the mood, it wouldn't help either of us to pretend, and I appreciate your patience. Now here's 2,000 worth of bills to pay and when you get finished I need you to clean the garage and pickup the girls from dance.
No you don't approach the issue headon. You find something important to her (as this is to you). Perhaps you don't go to a function for her mother creating a problem, or cancel a trip.
There will be anger and fighting and that is good. You want her to understand that she can't get the benefits of a marriage but not have a real marriage and have instead a brother sister cohabilitation arrangement. Sex is part of a package and part of the marriage. It's similar to a man having an affair, he can't say, by the way, my secretary and I do it twice a week but everything else should stay the same. Sex is a dealbreaker and one of the things that distinguishes a marriage from the other circumstances in which deal close friends or relatives of the opposite gender.
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