I am here to outline my current situation. Not sure if am off loading or asking a question yet, will see how this post goes...
Me and H, both in our thirties. Three children. Me SAHM that does some work here and there, H works full time.
Have previously posted about difficulties. H had a near-EA a couple of years ago. Last year started rejecting me initiating, were not sexless but sex only on his terms. Me slightly more HD and used to frequently initiating, stopped initiating at all. I did a lot of work on me with very damaged esteem.
H has a hugely different view. He acknowledges his EA behavior as destructive and harmfull. He understands why I do not like initiating but has no recollection of him rejecting me like he did.
H has changed a lot since we married. His drive has dropped. He often prefers solo activity or HJs over sex. He rarely if ever shows affection... his most recent "thing" is he does not like me resting my feet on the sofa near him because it makes him hot. I mean literally if just the top half of my foot is gently brushing his leg. He sits way apart from me and will not touch me all evening. If I do initiate any touch, he makes an excuse or grimaces. If I hug him he freezes and does not reciprocate or move untill I let go.
He rarely arranges time together. He is interested if guy friends are involved or it is to do with a hobby or interest of his, but has no apparent interest otherwise in couple time. Also if he wants sex he will make an effort.
He pays me little husbandly attention. He claims he still likes me and finds me attractive yet cannot show or tell me this apart from sex. I explained I feel like part of the furniture, and suddenly turn in to a handy orifice when he is horny.
His story is way different. He is very laid back. Says he has never been the affectionate type, but has recently admitted he probably was at the start of our relationship but that people who have been together a few years just "aren't like that any more."
Says he loves me but has work that takes up time and energy, then wants to spend time with the kids after work... then he is too tired. This from a guy who routinely stays up till AT LEAST 1am every night.
He thinks I am too serious and need to lighten up and stop thinking about stuff. I agree I have become more quiet and introspective... truth is it is hard living with someone who acts like they could care less whether I am around or not.
He does show love through acts of service and steadfastly ignores or refuses to do things I would like him to... UNLESS we have had a major argument, he feels bad about something, or wants sex.
Last week he was particularly tired. I mostly left him alone. He allways says we have a little time at the weekend as we can get a sitter for a while. The weekend came, we had had a few cross words, me asking for time/attention and him putting me off. So I was looking forward to some grown up time. He has reassured me he likes the time we have and looks forward to it as well all week.
We cosied up in bed and he fell asleep after. Usually we go out for food as well but he kept brushing me off. Decided to spend the rest of our time (another two hours) sleeping.
I was upset. He sees his friends twice a week and NOTHING will get in the way of that. I feel slightly less prioritized.
He thought I was being stupid. I said I was sorry... that I was the only one who gave a damn.
I keep thinking if I can live the rest of my life knowing he hates touching me. Knowing he prioritizes everything else over me. It has taken a while but I see he will not change. I keep asking myself, is it enough to leave and split up a family for? I feel so lonely.
Me and H, both in our thirties. Three children. Me SAHM that does some work here and there, H works full time.
Have previously posted about difficulties. H had a near-EA a couple of years ago. Last year started rejecting me initiating, were not sexless but sex only on his terms. Me slightly more HD and used to frequently initiating, stopped initiating at all. I did a lot of work on me with very damaged esteem.
H has a hugely different view. He acknowledges his EA behavior as destructive and harmfull. He understands why I do not like initiating but has no recollection of him rejecting me like he did.
H has changed a lot since we married. His drive has dropped. He often prefers solo activity or HJs over sex. He rarely if ever shows affection... his most recent "thing" is he does not like me resting my feet on the sofa near him because it makes him hot. I mean literally if just the top half of my foot is gently brushing his leg. He sits way apart from me and will not touch me all evening. If I do initiate any touch, he makes an excuse or grimaces. If I hug him he freezes and does not reciprocate or move untill I let go.
He rarely arranges time together. He is interested if guy friends are involved or it is to do with a hobby or interest of his, but has no apparent interest otherwise in couple time. Also if he wants sex he will make an effort.
He pays me little husbandly attention. He claims he still likes me and finds me attractive yet cannot show or tell me this apart from sex. I explained I feel like part of the furniture, and suddenly turn in to a handy orifice when he is horny.
His story is way different. He is very laid back. Says he has never been the affectionate type, but has recently admitted he probably was at the start of our relationship but that people who have been together a few years just "aren't like that any more."
Says he loves me but has work that takes up time and energy, then wants to spend time with the kids after work... then he is too tired. This from a guy who routinely stays up till AT LEAST 1am every night.
He thinks I am too serious and need to lighten up and stop thinking about stuff. I agree I have become more quiet and introspective... truth is it is hard living with someone who acts like they could care less whether I am around or not.
He does show love through acts of service and steadfastly ignores or refuses to do things I would like him to... UNLESS we have had a major argument, he feels bad about something, or wants sex.
Last week he was particularly tired. I mostly left him alone. He allways says we have a little time at the weekend as we can get a sitter for a while. The weekend came, we had had a few cross words, me asking for time/attention and him putting me off. So I was looking forward to some grown up time. He has reassured me he likes the time we have and looks forward to it as well all week.
We cosied up in bed and he fell asleep after. Usually we go out for food as well but he kept brushing me off. Decided to spend the rest of our time (another two hours) sleeping.
I was upset. He sees his friends twice a week and NOTHING will get in the way of that. I feel slightly less prioritized.
He thought I was being stupid. I said I was sorry... that I was the only one who gave a damn.
I keep thinking if I can live the rest of my life knowing he hates touching me. Knowing he prioritizes everything else over me. It has taken a while but I see he will not change. I keep asking myself, is it enough to leave and split up a family for? I feel so lonely.
Put the internet to work for you.
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