| I found out about her affair on 5.1.13. Crushed me. Still does. Married 14 years with two amazing kids I adore. Love my wife. Love my life. Want to work it out. Been doing the Mort Fertel put love first approach. After initial rage I've been trying to keep things cool but not doing a great job with my emotions. Not huge outbursts or anything like that just my tact of question focused on the affair which pust the mood very negative v. positive. My wife says she wants to work it out and try to see if we can have the relationship we both want. Claims to have been unhappy over the years and focuses on all the bad stuff. I admit to not being perfect and to have definitely contributed to a disfunctional marriage looking back on it but at the time I thought things were "ok". I'm sure this is a familiar story. I think we're both trying. Doing joint counseling and we were both doing individual as well but stopped recently as it's just so exh austing and life is demanding with work and kids activities. Very draining. We are mildly affectionate. We cuddle in bed. We kiss but not passionately anymore. She stops it from going anywhere. Bottom line no sex in nearly 5 months even though we were still having sex during her 2 month affair (as far as I know). I haven't pressed for many details but I know enough. I know his name and where he lives. they worked together. I sometimes think about blowing up his life like he did to mine but sent him a text as soon as I found out and told him if he ever spoke to my wife again I would do just that. no evidence he hasn't complied. the no sex thing is killing me. I'm here trying to work **** out and she needs to feel closer to me to have sex with me. Her husband (mostly good) of 14 years and together for about 20. Says she's not feeling it. Struggling with how she feels about me and doesn't feel close to me. I'm trying to be patient and give her time and let her work through this and "put love first" build positive momentum and allow her infatuation with him pass. But any advise or suggestions? I don't believe the affair has started back up and he lives out of town but the no sex thing makes me wonder WTF. She is obviously not willing to take one for the team and it's always sorta been this way. I always want it more and she holds all the cards. Feeling rejected again as before and trying to save my marriage for my family, me, and kids - if it can be salvaged but I feel like I need more from her. |
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