Married a man. Divorcing an alien

I have been lurking on here and reading peoples stories, I felt like its about time I share mine and hopefully gain some outside perspective and support. For starters.. I am 27, married for 3 years in December, no kids. We moved across the country for my husbands job two years ago. We struggled in the beginning.. One car, one income, isolated from our family, no friends.. It was tough. Fast forward a year later.. My husband says, "I don't know if I want to be married anymore". He starts going out all the time, not communicating with me at all, basically acts like I don't exist even though we live together. And it seemed so.. Out of the blue. Like one day he just decided this and shut off. We were separated for 6 weeks, he moved out, we went to counseling, it went well and he moved back in. A month later, I received a settlement payment from a car accident I was in prior to our marriage. I (stupidly) deposited the check into our joint account. I bought a car, a dog, got a job, everything was going really well. Around Christmas time we started trying to start a family. The first few months nothing. Then in March he tells me that he never wants kids ever and isn't happy and wants a divorce. Refuses counseling again. So he emotionally abandons me and of course I do the crying, begging, pleading with him to reconsider. He says he is done, he doesn't want to worry about anyone but himself anymore. He says he loves me but our marriage is over he wants a divorce. Right around this time he is diagnosed with fybromyalgia. He is told by a doctor that stress can cause it, so he decides that I gave him fibromyalgia. Oh, and our dog did a little bit too. It's our fault. And kind of his job, but mostly us. This goes on and on. Him being deliberately cold, stopped saying I love you, stopped hugging me, still slept in the same bed but would act like I was repulsive if we touched even accidentally. Would ask me when I'm leaving, why am I dragging this out our marriage is over, he can't stand seeing me, I ruin his life, etc. and then occasionally he would be sweet to my for about 15 minutes. I finally decided I couldn't like like that anymore. I hired a shipping company for my car, packed my trunk with as much stuff as I could, and then I packed two suitcases and my dog and I flew back across the country to my family. I needed support, I needed love, but it felt so wrong to leave. I felt like I couldn't stay and couldn't go back. Two weeks after I got back, I suffered a miscarriage at 11 weeks. Horrific, and that's all I will say about it. My husband said to me "I'm happy you aren't having a baby anymore" the day I was released from the hospital. Who the f says that. Who says that????? I went in a tailspin for about a week, texting and calling him like crazy. So emotional, so sad, so incredibly alone, how could he not care. To which he responded with, I am ruining his weekends and trying to make sure he has no fun. And that I'm making his life miserable from all the way over here. I finally told him enough, don't call me, don't text me, I will do the same. If we need to communicate, email only. Goodbye forever. The next morning, he texts me "good morning lost smile". We just talked about not talking less than 10 hours ago..? I didn't respond. He will be back here in 2 months and wants to file for divorce when he gets here, I said ok. Since we stopped speaking I feel a little bit more free. I am not watching my phone for texts or calls from him and wondering when he will contact me. But my mind always wanders to.. Why doesn't he? How can he throw it all away? How can he be okay with this? I just don't get it. I really don't. This is not the man I married. And a part of me feels so incredibly okay with divorcing him now because I didn't agree to marry who he has become. An alien has replaced his heart and soul and mind with this cruel, cold, mean thing disguised as him. I wrote so much. I guess all I am looking for is someone to say.. I have been there and you will be okay. I try to tell myself that this was the best thing to happen to my life because now I am free. So how can I be so sad sometimes? I made it 8 whole days without crying. I don't think I have gone that long since March. In need of some positive vibes my way tonight. Thanks :/

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