My wife has been a stay at home mom for many years and joined the workforce middle of last year. She did a contract job for some time and then got a permanent position in her current company. We are of Indian origin and this company has a lot of Indians working there.
My wife is very pretty, looks much younger than her age (late 30s), keeps herself in great shape with a lot of healthy eating and exercise. She also dresses elegantly but not provocatively. She sometimes asks me for my thoughts on an outfit and I usually tell her that it looks great on her and she could wear it to work also. Overall, she dresses professionally. She is very intelligent and has a Masters degree as well. Since she had a long career break to take care of the kids, she is behind where she could have been so her coworkers are mainly people with lesser skills, and she has to work her way up. She is also very social, friendly with everyone and converses with everybody who talks to her without any arrogance/ego issues. Unfortunately she is also a bit of a people-pleaser so she is not able to say no to anyone for fear of offending them. She also tends to get more work dumped on her because she cannot say no or complain but I think she will learn how to deal with this w ith experience.
She tells me about the gossip and funny stuff that happens at work so I know the names of all her co-workers. Every now and then she would say things like "Amy said this..." or "Steve was telling me that...". Steve (name changed, he is Indian too) is a coworker in a different division but works with my wife and her team on some projects. I keep hearing his name come up when she tells me about stuff at work. Someone left the company, so a position opened up and my wife wanted it so she told me about it. I felt that she should apply immediately before someone else did. To that she remarked that Steve said she should apply to it next week so as to not seem desperate". He is from the same state in India as we are so my wife and he have a common language that they speak that other Indians from other states do not understand so he tries to speak to her in that language with inside jokes. She does tell me a lot about her overweight loud-mouth coworker Melissa and her team lead who a nother woman.
Anyway, about 10 days ago, she was driving back home from work and I was commuting back as well, so I thought I'd talk to her. I called her and she said she was just done talking to Steve. I was slightly taken aback because I did not expect Steve to have her number and call after work, but did not say anything and we talked for some time and disconnected. Then last Wednesday, on the way back from work I called her and it went to voice mail. After about 20 minutes, she calls me and says that she was talking to Steve. I winced when I heard that. Again??
I was annoyed but I did not show, but I felt it was something I needed to look into. I checked up our cell phone records online and saw a call from a number to my wife's cellphone about 10 minutes after she left work and the call was about 25 minutes. I searched on that number and was amazed to see many calls from this number over many days and all starting around the same time of day when she left work. One time it seemed like the line got disconnected and my wife called back but all other calls were from him to my wife. The calls started from July-end at a frequency of about once a week. It shot up to calling every evening for the last 10 days. The longest call was for 35 minutes. One day my wife did not pick up so he tried a few times and then gave up. I thought of talking to my wife about it, but thought I'd give it another day to cool down and plan how to go about it the right way. So on Thursday, I did not call her and then checked the records at night and saw that ther e was a call from that number but my wife did not pick up. I could not talk to her for some reason that evening, but Friday evening I called her on the way back and some 15 minutes along, I hear a beep on the line. She told me it was Steve trying to call and she did not want to talk to him.
That was it. I had to do something.
Saturday came, and in the evening, the kids went into the basement to play and we were upstairs and she was in a good mood since we went to the temple (she loves that) and did some shopping at the outlet mall. I held her tight next to me and told her I wanted to talk to her about something and told her that I had been hearing about "Steve" a bit too often and he seems to be calling her a lot outside of work hours and I wasn't comfortable with that. I said that it was inappropriate for a man to constantly call up a married female co-worker every evening to chat. She said she agreed and felt the same way and had stopped picking up when he called for the last few days (the truth). She would only talk to him to get the news/gossip from around the company because he was very clued in, but she agreed that he was calling a bit too much. At first she would pick up and talk because she did not want to be rude and ignore him but it was now getting annoying for her since he was calling every evening.
I told her that as a guy myself, I know how other guys think. Most Indian women in that company are not very social with other men and my wife is both social and good looking, so when Steve made initial conversation and she talked to him in a friendly way, he probably might have thought that she was interested in being friends (or maybe more?). It's a weird situation where he most likely is not looking to cheat on his wife, but he is probably looking to flirt a bit, enjoy talking to a pretty girl, maybe take her out to lunch/coffee etc like a fake-date and talk personal stuff and maybe be her "work husband" or something.
I told my wife that this is how he would gain her confidence and then slowly push the boundary by moving into texting, then facebook friending, talk about deeply personal stuff. Then he might engineer things so that he would find her in the cafe by herself (she eats alone after the crowd has gone) and just stop by and talk. Or ask to meet outside for coffee/lunch. I asked if she had lunch/coffee with him in the cafe or during lunch time and she said no. The place is so busy she barely gets time to have lunch.
She agreed that it was a bit too much, and maybe he was getting ideas and that she would ignore his calls. I told her that we will do this for 7-10 days and if he does not get the hint, I will send him a friendly email asking him to keep things professional. If he still did not get it, then an email to HR, his boss and worse, his wife would be next as Step 3. I had already looked him up, found out where he lived, knew his wife's name, her FB page and her email address. My wife said it was not necessary for me to intervene and she would handle it and she would make it evident that she will talk about work issues only during work hours.
I trust my wife, and even though we fight and argue like other couples, I think our marriage is quite good. She had already been talking about leaving the company and finding another place with better pay/work so he is not a factor. She leaves her facebook, email and phone open at all times and I saw nothing in there. When I brought it up, she didn't have this "OMG I am caught" look. Her phone had his calls with his name on it, so she wasn't trying to hide anything. I am in a "Trust but Verify" mode as this is new territory for us where she is at some place by herself without me being around her, so she there will be the possibility of guys hitting on her. I will check on this in about a week and see how things are.
My wife is very pretty, looks much younger than her age (late 30s), keeps herself in great shape with a lot of healthy eating and exercise. She also dresses elegantly but not provocatively. She sometimes asks me for my thoughts on an outfit and I usually tell her that it looks great on her and she could wear it to work also. Overall, she dresses professionally. She is very intelligent and has a Masters degree as well. Since she had a long career break to take care of the kids, she is behind where she could have been so her coworkers are mainly people with lesser skills, and she has to work her way up. She is also very social, friendly with everyone and converses with everybody who talks to her without any arrogance/ego issues. Unfortunately she is also a bit of a people-pleaser so she is not able to say no to anyone for fear of offending them. She also tends to get more work dumped on her because she cannot say no or complain but I think she will learn how to deal with this w ith experience.
She tells me about the gossip and funny stuff that happens at work so I know the names of all her co-workers. Every now and then she would say things like "Amy said this..." or "Steve was telling me that...". Steve (name changed, he is Indian too) is a coworker in a different division but works with my wife and her team on some projects. I keep hearing his name come up when she tells me about stuff at work. Someone left the company, so a position opened up and my wife wanted it so she told me about it. I felt that she should apply immediately before someone else did. To that she remarked that Steve said she should apply to it next week so as to not seem desperate". He is from the same state in India as we are so my wife and he have a common language that they speak that other Indians from other states do not understand so he tries to speak to her in that language with inside jokes. She does tell me a lot about her overweight loud-mouth coworker Melissa and her team lead who a nother woman.
Anyway, about 10 days ago, she was driving back home from work and I was commuting back as well, so I thought I'd talk to her. I called her and she said she was just done talking to Steve. I was slightly taken aback because I did not expect Steve to have her number and call after work, but did not say anything and we talked for some time and disconnected. Then last Wednesday, on the way back from work I called her and it went to voice mail. After about 20 minutes, she calls me and says that she was talking to Steve. I winced when I heard that. Again??
I was annoyed but I did not show, but I felt it was something I needed to look into. I checked up our cell phone records online and saw a call from a number to my wife's cellphone about 10 minutes after she left work and the call was about 25 minutes. I searched on that number and was amazed to see many calls from this number over many days and all starting around the same time of day when she left work. One time it seemed like the line got disconnected and my wife called back but all other calls were from him to my wife. The calls started from July-end at a frequency of about once a week. It shot up to calling every evening for the last 10 days. The longest call was for 35 minutes. One day my wife did not pick up so he tried a few times and then gave up. I thought of talking to my wife about it, but thought I'd give it another day to cool down and plan how to go about it the right way. So on Thursday, I did not call her and then checked the records at night and saw that ther e was a call from that number but my wife did not pick up. I could not talk to her for some reason that evening, but Friday evening I called her on the way back and some 15 minutes along, I hear a beep on the line. She told me it was Steve trying to call and she did not want to talk to him.
That was it. I had to do something.
Saturday came, and in the evening, the kids went into the basement to play and we were upstairs and she was in a good mood since we went to the temple (she loves that) and did some shopping at the outlet mall. I held her tight next to me and told her I wanted to talk to her about something and told her that I had been hearing about "Steve" a bit too often and he seems to be calling her a lot outside of work hours and I wasn't comfortable with that. I said that it was inappropriate for a man to constantly call up a married female co-worker every evening to chat. She said she agreed and felt the same way and had stopped picking up when he called for the last few days (the truth). She would only talk to him to get the news/gossip from around the company because he was very clued in, but she agreed that he was calling a bit too much. At first she would pick up and talk because she did not want to be rude and ignore him but it was now getting annoying for her since he was calling every evening.
I told her that as a guy myself, I know how other guys think. Most Indian women in that company are not very social with other men and my wife is both social and good looking, so when Steve made initial conversation and she talked to him in a friendly way, he probably might have thought that she was interested in being friends (or maybe more?). It's a weird situation where he most likely is not looking to cheat on his wife, but he is probably looking to flirt a bit, enjoy talking to a pretty girl, maybe take her out to lunch/coffee etc like a fake-date and talk personal stuff and maybe be her "work husband" or something.
I told my wife that this is how he would gain her confidence and then slowly push the boundary by moving into texting, then facebook friending, talk about deeply personal stuff. Then he might engineer things so that he would find her in the cafe by herself (she eats alone after the crowd has gone) and just stop by and talk. Or ask to meet outside for coffee/lunch. I asked if she had lunch/coffee with him in the cafe or during lunch time and she said no. The place is so busy she barely gets time to have lunch.
She agreed that it was a bit too much, and maybe he was getting ideas and that she would ignore his calls. I told her that we will do this for 7-10 days and if he does not get the hint, I will send him a friendly email asking him to keep things professional. If he still did not get it, then an email to HR, his boss and worse, his wife would be next as Step 3. I had already looked him up, found out where he lived, knew his wife's name, her FB page and her email address. My wife said it was not necessary for me to intervene and she would handle it and she would make it evident that she will talk about work issues only during work hours.
I trust my wife, and even though we fight and argue like other couples, I think our marriage is quite good. She had already been talking about leaving the company and finding another place with better pay/work so he is not a factor. She leaves her facebook, email and phone open at all times and I saw nothing in there. When I brought it up, she didn't have this "OMG I am caught" look. Her phone had his calls with his name on it, so she wasn't trying to hide anything. I am in a "Trust but Verify" mode as this is new territory for us where she is at some place by herself without me being around her, so she there will be the possibility of guys hitting on her. I will check on this in about a week and see how things are.
Put the internet to work for you.
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